Dear Ms. Reid:
Ben Keller is wasting his life. The once successful doctor now sells dildos and porn videos on Sunset Boulevard while pulling the occasional con. That is until he meets Geraldine, an ex-porn star with a hundred-a-dollar-a-day habit and a deceitful smile. Together they embark on a drug-fueled Hollywood con game to produce a straight to DVD flop, and pocket ten million in embezzled movie funds.
Right now I'm thinking this is a californification of The Producers. I'm always less than thrilled with any novel that features porn stars and dildos in the first two sentences cause it seems gimmicky.
But in Hollywood nobody is what they appear to be, least of all Ben, who must ask himself, “Am I the con or the mark?” before the final credits fade in my manuscript, BENT or Mother’s Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Gay Cowboys, winner of the 2008 Paul Gillette Award for mainstream fiction, complete at 81,000 words.
There's no hook here, there's only a description of the premise of the novel, and it's one I've seen a lot before.
I had to google the Paul Gillette Award to find out it's given at the Pike's Peak Writing Conference. Writing conference awards are nice, but when they are given only to unpublished writers, and only to people attending the conference, they don't carry as much weight as pub credits that draw from a wider audience (like what you list below).
I have five short stories, and a poem published in various literary magazines including Twenty3, The Heroin Times, Twisted Tongue, and Thug Works, with two stories forthcoming in The Savage Kick, and Big Pulp. I hold a Master of Arts degree in forensic psychology, and at one time, worked as a private investigator. Currently, I am employed at Naropa University’s Summer Writing Program.
Thank you for your consideration of this proposal. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
This isn't awful, but it's not compelling. If the first page knocked my socks off I'd read on. If pages aren't included, I'd send a form rejection cause there's nothing here yet that entices me to read on.