Dear Query Shark:
"My name is Bartholomew Benson, and I just killed twenty-one people."
Clearly, Mr. Benson is a man with a problem.
At first pass, Bart seems like a normal guy. He's a farmer in the year 2017, trying to make ends meet in his small Midwestern American town. He struggles with mundane problems like a stormy marriage, feuding neighbors, and a meddlesome ex-wife.
But Bart is far from normal. He's an ex-soldier who served extensively in the Middle East, and after military service, he was recruited for a much more difficult task: hunting humanity's worst enemy.
Bart has been entrusted with some very dark secrets. He knows about the world's first fully functioning quantum computer. He knows that this new quantum environment spawned life: sentient artificial intelligences. They've stayed quiet so far, hiding in the deep crevices of the technological jungle, so virtually no one even knows they exist. But Bart knows that, unless they're stopped, these new AIs will inevitably take control. Of everything.
That's something that he's not going to let happen.
The Emancipation of Bartholomew Benson is a 50,000-word science fiction novel that tells Bart's story through a series of journal entries, flashbacks, and first-person narration. The story is character-driven, focusing on Bart's ever-increasing difficulties of maintaining a normal life, all while handling the daunting responsibility of saving mankind.
I currently reside in (town) where I teach (subject) in the (univ) Business School. This is my first novel, and I'd really appreciate the opportunity to share more of this story with you.
You had me right up to series of journal entries, flashbacks and first-person narration. I'm not sure why you want to use those devices in what is essentially a very short novel.
I'd read the pages but for something like this, I'm really in favor of straightforward story telling.