Dear Query Shark,
"I'm not in love with Alice Stevens, she's just a very sexy reccuring dream.
At least that's what I thought until the sulfurous redhead showed up in my algebra class on a sunny afternoon and proved me wrong. That's when I found out I was gifted just like her: mind reading, dream walking and persuasion were just the beginning. Now I can shield myself from other people's powers too!
But when we tried to steal her evil dad's journal, Alice got captured and I lost my powers. If it hadn't been for Alice's sister, Jamie, I'd be lying dead with a bullet between my eyes right now.
Jamie's convinced me to try and get my gifts back so we can save Alice. I guess I owe it to her, even though I never truly loved her.
I love Jamie now. Alice will be pissed.
But still, we're gonna rescue her – if she still wants to be rescued that is."
THE GIFTED is a Young Adult paranormal romance, complete at 65 000 words.
Thank you for your consideration,
Much as I adore the phrase "sulfurous redhead", this approach (writing the query 'in character') is gimmicky. Don't do it. And what kind of power is "persuasion" anyway? Revise. This isn't a form rejection, I'd read the pages, but it's not the most effective query you can write.