This title has got to go. How about BLUES SINGER.
After two years, four months and twelve days in prison for what her former lover had done, Isabella Lucas is out and he is the prey now/
Blues Singer is not a proper noun. No caps.
You don't need "regarding his musical talents" because you have blues singer in the next sentence. Taking it out also helps the sentence sound less awkward.
If she can get him on Australian soil again, where the attempted murder warrant is still outstanding, he'll see what hell prison is.
You have to start the sentence with the "if clause" or it looks like the murder charge is only pending if she can get him to Australia. The charge IS outstanding. She can get him arrested IF he returns.
See the difference?
With few employment options available to a convicted criminal and money running out, Isabella agrees to work as a bookkeeper and business partner for a fellow former inmate in a less than desirable industry. The steady income enables her to hire a private detective and together they hunt Richard down.
When she learns he is now married, her plans change from just seeing him in jail to all out revenge. Consumed with bitterness that his life seems so perfect, she sets about destroying his marriage first. She surprises herself at the joy she feels in succeeding.
Wow. She sounds like a real prize. The thing about anti-heroes is we, the readers, have to feel some sympathy for them. I don't feel much for Isabella right now. I would IF you mention she's in prison for something Richard did, and he purposely let her take the fall.
And you've got entirely too much of the plot here in the query. All we need to know is the choice Isabella faces, and what the consequences are.
She can choose to track Richard down and have revenge OR she can...what? You want to entice me to read the book, not tell me everything that happens so I don't actually need to read it.
Once through customs, Richard sees Isabella. She cannot resist being at the airport. It feels like she had been planning a major performance and today is opening night. She is confident and smiling, Richard knows something is wrong. As he looks around him he can see police coming toward him. There is no time for him to think, nowhere to run. Savoring in his downfall she watches with satisfaction when the police escort him away.
His imprisonment is her freedom; or so she believed. She had been consumed with revenge for more than four years and now it’s over. The court system and even her prison cell where not her longest ordeal, her blackened heart was. Blind faith leads her into a life she could not have imagined but revenge lead her to a darker side of herself that only now she sees reflecting back at her. She thought she would feel free and satisfied, all she feels is empty.
She is finally ready to begin her own life; ready to work at being a free woman.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dear Query Shark
I would like to offer for your consideration STC- SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED CRIME- an 80,000 word contemporary physiological thriller set in Australia and Europe.
That's the worst title I've seen in a long time. For starters, my spam filter is going to take a good long look it, and probably say no. Second, unless you're writing erotica, this is the wrong tone.
After two years, four months and twelve days in prison for what her former lover had done, Isabella is out and he is the prey now……..
This is a much better place to start. You've got the character and a sense of conflict all in one.
I'm not sure what reference text you all are reading that says to put character names in all caps but I hope you find it and burn it. This is a holdover from the movies. Don't do it in a query.
This is back story. You had me interested in the revenge thing earlier, so we know this ends badly.
Without a credible reason why there are drugs in her home and Richard no longer contactable, she is charged with possession, the attempted murder charges being dropped due to lack of evidence implicating Isabella.
Consumed with anger and bitterness; after almost two and a half years in prison Isabella is released on parole. Her business gone, as are most of her friends, only her family and her loathing for Richard remain. Where once she felt love she now feels revenge. This is what kept her motivated throughout the sentence. This emotion sustained her through endless body strips, mindless raids on her cell, pointless prison programs and therapy sessions. And now she’s out.
With nine months of parole ahead of her and void of feeling anything but the need for personal justice, she plans her revenge on Richard. The attempted murder charges are still pending and he is a person of interest.
Having left the country Richard is likely to be keeping a low profile. But there is one thing that will bring him out, his complete vanity regarding his musical talents. Isabella needs to find a way to appeal to his desire for international recognition as a Blues Singer.
She agrees to be a business partner with a fellow former inmate in the unsavory Escort industry.
and here's where you lose me completely. I'm sorry but I just don't believe this. A successful city accountant leaves prison and becomes a hooker. No.
She needs the money and has few other immediate employment options. With a steady income Isabella hires a private detective and together they hunt Richard down. When she learns he is now married, her plans change. Consumed with bitterness that his life seems so perfect, she sets about destroying his marriage first. She surprises herself at the joy she feels in succeeding.
His marriage collapses, his life in Europe is destroyed, now is the perfect time to set about the final step. An unexpected offer from a record producer in Australia, orchestrated by Isabella, is made to him. Even though he has reservations about returning, he agrees to meet with the producer.
Once through customs, Richard sees Isabella. She cannot resist being at the airport. She is confident and smiling, Richard knows something is wrong. As he looks around him he can see police coming toward him. There is no time for him to think, nowhere to run. Savoring in his downfall she watches with satisfaction when the police escort him away.
His imprisonment is her freedom. She had been consumed with revenge for almost four years and now it’s over. The court system and even her prison cell where not her longest ordeal, her blackened heart was. Blind faith lead her into a life she could not have imagined but Isabella Lucas is finally a free woman.
why do you have a line of stars in a query? Don't do that.
Also, this plot is pretty hackneyed. The Other Side of Midnight by Sidney Sheldon was the first novel I read with this plot. It wasn't the last.
You can use an old plot if you want but what you MUST do is add something fresh and new to it. I don't see that here.
You don't need qualifications to write a novel.
Taking my varied experience I have created a story dealing with the social and emotional struggle of being completely consumed by revenge and of feeling true freedom again.
This is telling, not showing. It's as bad in a query as it is in a novel.
IF this makes it through the spam filter, it's a form rejection.