tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post1110280311395642190..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #96-revisionJanet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-45547519546500306292009-05-28T11:31:05.935-04:002009-05-28T11:31:05.935-04:00"And "middle grade" is not a genre ..."And "middle grade" is not a genre at all"<br /><br />http://www.google.com/search?q=%22middle+grade%22+novel&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-aSarahlynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13658866017847046987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-31105731364051773562009-03-23T00:23:00.000-04:002009-03-23T00:23:00.000-04:00I'm not sure typical teenagers go horseback riding...<I>I'm not sure typical teenagers go horseback riding. </I><BR/><BR/>To be fair, y'know, <I>I</I> used to horseback riding with my friends when I was younger. If it's set in rural/suburban, I don't think it's that unusual...<BR/><BR/>I'm beginning to sense, however, that the author is a bit young, from the constant grammar mistakes and short word count.jyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04978444585822233819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-33710649377489826802009-03-21T17:31:00.000-04:002009-03-21T17:31:00.000-04:00I don't like the revised version much at all. 1) T...I don't like the revised version much at all. 1) The word count is ridiculously short and I'm not sure which side of YA literature you're aiming for. The genre has 11-15 and 16-20ish and then others that are for both. And "middle grade" is not a genre at all.<BR/><BR/>2) "...they do everything together from, horseback riding..."<BR/>You have a "from" phrase in reference to activities, meaning you need a "to" as well. So that part should look like (minus the run-on sentence): "They do everything together, from horseback riding to dancing, just hanging out and talking about boys to sharing all of their secrets."<BR/><BR/>3) I'm confused about who she's not telling. It's not her secret, which poses complications you don't even bring up. And you don't say who tells her either, just that she finds out. So does Ashley know she knows the secret and has posed some ultimatum, or did someone else find out and Taylor overheard? Because if it's the latter, I doubt Taylor would be having the same problem with sharing if it's Taylor she's not telling. That section is very iffy for me and thus uninteresting.<BR/><BR/>4) The grammar of the overall letter is off-putting. You use commas incorrectly and your verb tenses have occasional problems. EDIT the query letter extremely well because it's a reflection of the state your manuscript will be in.Teagenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10595226597188375674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-76643370420187956732009-03-16T12:04:00.000-04:002009-03-16T12:04:00.000-04:00If there's a site telling all of us out here what ...If there's a site telling all of us out here what the "correct" form for an e-mail query is, I'd sure like to see it. A quick Google search turns up this advice on one site:<BR/><BR/>"Many writers put their contact information at the bottom of an e-mail query letter, underneath their typed name. While you can also include it there, I would put it in the top left-hand corner of your e-mail for easy reference. It will annoy the literary agent if he or she has to scroll down to find the method of contact." <BR/><BR/>...which seems to fly in the face of your preference. So, once again, this seems like more of a case of "check with the agent's guidelines"--rather than yet another "format" bugaboo that writers need to be paranoid about!<BR/><BR/>JBJannyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06725527285837338560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-89594130961855509142009-02-18T14:14:00.000-05:002009-02-18T14:14:00.000-05:00For me, a writer using "too" instead of "to" is tw...For me, a writer using "too" instead of "to" is two strikes, because I know <I>their</I> will be many other mistakes in <I>there</I> writing here and <I>they're</I>. <BR/><BR/><I>Two</I> much work <I>too</I> read.Dal Jeanishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03652296391869599080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-92033229557114774102009-01-26T12:30:00.000-05:002009-01-26T12:30:00.000-05:00D'Oh! I'm totally going to get nailed for wasting ...D'Oh! I'm totally going to get nailed for wasting the first fourteen lines or so as well, because I'm pretty sure I formatted my entry like a snail-mail query. The thing is, I'm not actually querying you, Janet Reid (because I don't write what you represent), and so I didn't think in terms of a specifically e-mail-based query.<BR/><BR/><B>hessegg:</B> <I><A HREF="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herman_Hesse#Becoming_a_writer" REL="nofollow">Romantic Songs</A></I>José Iriartehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03653811568201804995noreply@blogger.com