tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post1746487660378555260..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #51-revisionsJanet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-407980726022057052008-08-04T15:43:00.000-04:002008-08-04T15:43:00.000-04:00I have to agree with the Shark. Why oh why would M...I have to agree with the Shark. Why oh why would Mallory not simply turn her back on this silly, cliched, haunted castle and return to her nice, simple, satisfying life? She'd have to want or need something very badly to put up with all the hocus-pocus. What, exactly, would that be?Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504439129670380071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-41770400464984418032008-07-07T23:23:00.000-04:002008-07-07T23:23:00.000-04:00A Parliamentary measure requires a first and secon...A Parliamentary measure requires a first and second reading before it can be voted into law; but I can't think of any reason for a second reading of a will unless some of the named heirs were unable to arrive in time for the original reading. <BR/><BR/>And what about the DVD? Usually that's used for the about-to-be-deceased's own reading of the will, with messages to the heirs. Is this something different?talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-19482765578278325572008-07-07T22:30:00.000-04:002008-07-07T22:30:00.000-04:00Dag, Janet. I thought Tony Manvel had kidnapped yo...Dag, Janet. I thought Tony Manvel had kidnapped you. I haven't seen a post in...Anyway, so much for the pleasantries.<BR/><BR/>Mallory O'Malley immediately makes me think of some awful B-Movie.<BR/><BR/>I like the title: <I>Afterthoughts and Before</I>. It catches you by surprise.<BR/><BR/>What is a "second reading of a will"? Did someone mess-up on the first read-through? Perhaps an editor got ahold of the will and demanded a new premise?<BR/><BR/>I say- rewrite, revise, and resubmit.Bad Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11057159699886729409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-82794541137943323772008-07-07T15:02:00.000-04:002008-07-07T15:02:00.000-04:00Okay. That does make more sense. I had no sense o...Okay. That does make more sense. I had no sense of the antagonist at all.Lehcarjthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17171145477602995121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-44280674151442106282008-07-07T13:23:00.000-04:002008-07-07T13:23:00.000-04:00Thanks for the comments everyone. I really apprec...Thanks for the comments everyone. I really appreciate them. :) I'm going to revise and resubmit. <BR/><BR/>lehcarjt – the antagonist is the 800 yr old man, only she did not know that when they were engaged or when he broke it off a year ago.(which actually happened before the book starts) He is the one who will kill and has killed those who try to claim the castle. I’m not sure if that helps, but hopefully in the rewrite it will make more sense.Vickihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04521384704019863926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-1289467398624604712008-07-07T10:39:00.000-04:002008-07-07T10:39:00.000-04:00I thought that the opening line gives the wrong 't...I thought that the opening line gives the wrong 'tone' for the book. It made me think this was going to be an epic fantasy.<BR/><BR/>I also didn't understand this line: <I> And what’s a girl supposed to do when she finds out the man who broke off their engagement is actually hundreds of years old </I> Trevor is the 800 year old man, right? But he isn't the man she was engaged too because they just met, right? I must be missing something.<BR/><BR/>However, the number one reason that I would not pick this is up is because of the volume of story cliches. The will requiring her to do something odd. The enchanted castle. The fiance who dumped her. Ireland. (How come no one ever inherits a castle in Sweden or Serbia?)<BR/><BR/>What does hook me is the hero. I like the idea of him trying to con her out of her property.Lehcarjthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17171145477602995121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-30686383585743857352008-07-07T10:37:00.000-04:002008-07-07T10:37:00.000-04:00"But there’s just one catch. She must live in the ..."But there’s just one catch. She must live in the gatehouse for six months or she’ll lose it all."<BR/><BR/>Isn't this trope repeated in half the episodes of Scooby Do?<BR/><BR/>Mallory O'Malley. A tongue twister, to be sure.<BR/><BR/>The idea of her ex-fiance being 800 yrs old and being tied up in this is intriguing.EBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14361825595951678685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-55019506131134803002008-07-07T10:17:00.000-04:002008-07-07T10:17:00.000-04:00Not my genre but it's interesting. I'd like more d...Not my genre but it's interesting. I'd like more details about the curse I think....<BR/><BR/><BR/>Note to Southern Writer: My town's mayor is Bubba. It amuses me whenever they mention local politics on the front page and use "Bubba" as his formal name :o)Liana Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14587774916354749190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-52766240163358313012008-07-07T02:22:00.000-04:002008-07-07T02:22:00.000-04:00Not bad. I have to agree with Janet's edits, thoug...Not bad. I have to agree with Janet's edits, though, otherwise, it's just too long. At least you told us what's at stake for each of them. The one thing I don't like is Trevor's name. I don't actually read romances, mind you, but I've read a few back covers, and it seems Trevor is an overused name in them (from the nut who wants to call her male protag "Bubba.")astrologymemphis.blogspot.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08094432734141490681noreply@blogger.com