tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post2671670580183876473..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #318Janet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-75076771100954477582018-08-14T19:04:54.964-04:002018-08-14T19:04:54.964-04:00The blindness is a huge hook and should really be ...The blindness is a huge hook and should really be up there in the first line -- 'blind [something interesting] [age] Meg', eg 'blind synchronised swimmer 14-year-old Meg', '17-year-old blind podcaster Meg knows she’s in trouble', '13-year-old blind origami expert Meg', '17-year-old talent scout Meg'.<br /><br />You might have to skip the fun descriptor if it's not plot relevant and just go with 'blind AGE Meg', but I'd avoid 'blind girl' because it easily reads as condescending. You definitely want to slot an age in there, though, as it's a standard way to indicate if a YA manuscript is upper YA or lower YA.E.Mareehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17283073495361530535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-90368963154253423582018-07-15T19:14:52.658-04:002018-07-15T19:14:52.658-04:00Okay, aside from her blindness is there anything n...Okay, aside from her blindness is there anything new or different here?<br /><br />There probably is in the book, but I didn't get any impression of it in the query<br /><br />Are you holding something back that should be in the query?<br /><br />OTOH, I'm glad to read a story where the MC is blind, ESPECIALLY if the story is not about her blindness <br /><br />>her boy-crazy, best friend, June<br /><br />I don't think you need the commas there<br /><br />>Comparables are “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” meets “Steelheart.”<br /><br />Steelheart was about a small band of rebels fighting a tyrant w/ powers comparable to Superman. It was a great book, but not "lighthearted". From your query I see no similarities at all, except that both are YA sci-fi.Dellcartoonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06322549845097620686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-74683262588694972812018-07-15T17:25:33.486-04:002018-07-15T17:25:33.486-04:00The stakes are missing here. It sounds promising a...The stakes are missing here. It sounds promising and interesting but without the stakes nothing is really certain.Frankiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14515451171608119922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-55672676081125690392018-07-15T14:06:49.617-04:002018-07-15T14:06:49.617-04:00My thought is that the first line has an extraneou...My thought is that the first line has an extraneous 'and' rather than a missing verb. Only because it's more likely that a stray word remained after an edit.<br /><br />"When something from space lands in the parking lot..."Mister Furkleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156977719916770984noreply@blogger.com