tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post5159043516504289080..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #208-Revised 1xJanet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-19898305640120212832011-08-26T21:39:35.405-04:002011-08-26T21:39:35.405-04:00Thank you, Piper Quinn.
Yeah, I'm not getting...Thank you, Piper Quinn.<br /><br />Yeah, I'm not getting any of this. If someone used my name falsely in an adoption process, I would first assume it was a clerical error, and then if I found out it wasn't, I would be angry and try to address the consequences of that. I would probably also be concerned for the person who sought me out thinking that I was their biological parent on the basis of that fraud.<br /><br />The part where I would then dedicate my life to finding the child's real biological parents is kind of where I get off the train. Especially since (and I thank Piper Quinn for verifying this from her expertise and experience), <b>biological parents aren't good bone marrow donors anyway</b>.<br /><br />Now, I am not a medical professional; I have never had a bone marrow donation; I have never known anyone who had a bone marrow donation (that I know of). And even so, I know that biological parents are not considered optimal bone marrow donors. I know this because I have been solicited to be tested for bone marrow donor banks, as have most people who have been inside a largish US hospital in the last 5 years.<br /><br />So your whole book, at least as your query presents it, is based on two implausible things: a) that Trinity Esposito would put aside her own understandable outrage at identity theft entirely, and b) that Sasha's doctors are so clueless about blood marrow donation that they think that seeking out her biological parents is a useful first step.<br /><br />I also found this sentence mystifying:<br /><i>her husband makes it clear that genetic proof is all that she owes the Coopers</i><br /><br />Why does she need her husband to make this clear for her? It's completely obvious to anyone over age 5 that that's all she owes the Coopers. However, she's got an issue relating directly to herself--the fact that she's been a victim of a particularly complicated bit of identity theft--that she needs to deal with.<br /><br />Her extraordinary generosity in wanting to take an active role in helping the Coopers find Sasha's true biological parents is interesting and unusual enough that you probably want to explain it. Why does Trinity take on this task? An "unlikely friendship" doesn't sell it strongly enough.<br /><br />You're talking about someone taking up a complex quest on behalf of a stranger, while simultaneously dismissing a violation of her own rights. What is making Trinity be so protective here? What kind of issues are in play?JShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13974691019739092440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-28488926110182558802011-08-23T19:08:29.093-04:002011-08-23T19:08:29.093-04:00One other piece of factual info for the writer.
F...One other piece of factual info for the writer.<br /><br />Females are less desirable donors than males. Females with prior pregnancies even less desirable, due to the fact that their blood has more antibodies and so increases the risk for GVHD. <br /><br />I've worked with maybe 200 transplant recipients. Of those, maybe 5 got bone marrow instead of stem cells, and 2 were haploid transplants--donations from son to mother. None of our patients in the last 2.5 years received any kind of transplant from a parent. <br /><br />If you're going to write about something technical, you might want to consider finding an expert to help you along the way.Paula Stokeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05554982750210319316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-14267678610662705382011-08-23T19:03:18.330-04:002011-08-23T19:03:18.330-04:00Just a technical heads up that may or may not need...Just a technical heads up that may or may not need to be addressed in your story. A parent is a bad bad BAD choice for a bone marrow donor.<br /><br />First, most people are donating peripheral stem cells nowadays instead of marrow because the efficacy is about the same and donating stem cells doesn't require anesthesia or a lot of holes drilled into your hip bones.<br /><br />But the reason a parent is bad (and yes I know they did this with Izzy on Grey's Anatomy and I cringed the whole episode) is because when it comes to HLA matching, a parent will only be a half match--a haploid transplant. These tx's are only attempted if there are no other options because most of these people die horrible deaths of graft vs' host disease. (I'm a leukemia/lymphoma nurse at a top 5 US cancer center. I've seen it.)<br /><br />Before this haploid tx would be attempted, the docs in your book would probably have combed both the US and European donor banks (and usually matches can be found unless your sick teen is a person of color), sought out and tested any and all of this girl's siblings, and attempted (and failed) with a cord blood transplant.<br /><br />Consider making the note seeking out the fake mom to see if she and the dad had other children who might be a match as opposed to donating herself if that works with your story.Paula Stokeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05554982750210319316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-597049455499158172011-08-16T18:13:43.041-04:002011-08-16T18:13:43.041-04:00I agree with the shark on the plot concern: why w...I agree with the shark on the plot concern: why would this woman befriend Sasha, her not-a-daughter. Does she have something in her, or her life, that makes her bypass these bizarre circumstances and help the girl? It seems a stretch, even for C-Fic, but if there is an underlying cause I'd like to see it in the query.jessehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16489502078962823639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-4976752287004050702011-08-16T06:47:53.392-04:002011-08-16T06:47:53.392-04:00I am wondering why only one person in the entire w...I am wondering why only one person in the entire world needs to be found to donate bone marrow. Did the mother save the umbilical chord to conserve the stem cells for genetical illnesses that can appear during teenage years? I think this part needs to be solidly represented to make the plot credible.angie Brooksby-Arcangiolihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08000615140577512304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-16937110099798100572011-08-15T11:04:20.961-04:002011-08-15T11:04:20.961-04:00I'm a little confused by the Christian Fiction...I'm a little confused by the Christian Fiction aspect of this novel as well. But Shark didn't think it was an issue so I guess it's not. <br /><br />That would temper my reading a little bit though. <br /><br />By the way for anyone interested I'm hosting a weekly flash fiction contest on my blog www.boxingwithpencils.com <br /><br />Please come check it out it's a whole lot of fun.Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02918640778973671542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-22227693128522784512011-08-15T01:33:02.986-04:002011-08-15T01:33:02.986-04:00The query says Christian fiction, yet the plot has...The query says Christian fiction, yet the plot has no religious elements of any kind. I don't whether it's mislabelled, or whether there's something central missing from the plot in the query, but the two things don't match.Polenthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14029549865473069051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-34391287024223942042011-08-14T21:58:24.618-04:002011-08-14T21:58:24.618-04:00Quick note: Rebekah Cooper is the exact same name ...Quick note: Rebekah Cooper is the exact same name as the protagonist of a soon-to-be trilogy by YA author Tamora Pierce--spelling and everything. (I think the third one's coming out some time this year.) The author of the query might want to re-think the name there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-79456806136891969392011-08-14T17:36:34.551-04:002011-08-14T17:36:34.551-04:00It is a good plot, but what I see here is the same...It is a good plot, but what I see here is the same mistake I make. We get so into the story we write that we forget to step away from it and look at it objectively. We make it flow through routes we create. That's why I value the critique group I have. They catch all the contrived or illogical points. Why does something happen the way we say it did in our story? Is it because we want it to happen just so, or because it's the natural, the logical end result? <br />Here you'd ask the same questions QS did, if you step back and consider it dispassionately. But it's your story, and I'm sure the answers are in there. You just have to rework it in your query.<br />Best of luck.Sujahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16899054126546663789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-3560096357434312132011-08-14T17:31:35.708-04:002011-08-14T17:31:35.708-04:00Just as note...Tamora Pierce has already written a...Just as note...Tamora Pierce has already written a book in which one of the main characters is named Rebekah Cooper. Same spelling and everything.elfarmy17https://www.blogger.com/profile/09127074008716633538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-86833480848303830372011-08-14T17:29:55.927-04:002011-08-14T17:29:55.927-04:00Alaskaravenclaw, I've found only one other The...Alaskaravenclaw, I've found only one other Theresa Milstein. Plenty with the name Theresa Brown (my maiden name), but not too many with my christian first name and jewish last name.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-59643104873001885332011-08-14T13:29:43.030-04:002011-08-14T13:29:43.030-04:00I agree with Theresa. If this happened to me, my f...I agree with Theresa. If this happened to me, my first reaction would be: Well, someone used my name. Why, and how?<br /><br />(But that's because I'm the only person on earth who has my name. Trinity Esposito is in almost the same situation... but only almost, Google sez.)<br /><br />If one of the two-- "You have the wrong Trinity" or "Someone used my name" -- is not the character's first reaction in the novel, then it won't ring true.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-6711515940274796252011-08-14T12:57:58.789-04:002011-08-14T12:57:58.789-04:00It is an interesting premise. Why did someone put...It is an interesting premise. Why did someone put her name on the paperwork? How did they get away with it? <br /><br />I would think the protagonist would've wanted answers about why someone would use her name before she'd get attached to the sick teen. It seems like her emotional journey is backwards.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.com