tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post6306472524282608167..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #118-RevisedJanet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-76801617190027131432012-01-31T12:37:22.369-05:002012-01-31T12:37:22.369-05:00I might be saying this just to argue, but it's...I might be saying this just to argue, but it's true nonetheless: I am a teenager. I don't mind preachy YA ficiton. (I know I'm in the minority there.)<br /><br />And I've read the entire Travelling Pants series and seen both movies multiple times - in my opinion, they're certainly YA, *not* MG.<br /><br />Then again, I'm a reader, not an agent, so I don't know exactly how they're marketed - personally, though, I don't think this series, especially book four, should be marketed towards anyone under the age of 13. The second movie was much more tame than the book, but it was still PG-13, and I think that's the way it should be.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02266041077178607623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-55386321522510004012009-11-01T01:18:08.093-04:002009-11-01T01:18:08.093-04:00On the redo:
This query worked for me as I read i...On the redo:<br /><br />This query worked for me as I read it for a good long time. I can see the story of Lindsey & Charity unfolding and I liked it.<br /><br />However, as soon as you introduce Macy & Allison, you lose me. It's too much. I need one character (two is pushing it, but okay) to really care about. By the time you get to Macy, I'm hooked on L & C. And then the punch-line of the query is M. That doesn't work because I don't have a connection with her.Lehcarjthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17171145477602995121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-60067018078942185462009-09-05T22:47:08.733-04:002009-09-05T22:47:08.733-04:00Good heavens, I wrote that story over 30 years ago...Good heavens, I wrote that story over 30 years ago when I was 17. It was my first book and I sure never tried to get it published. But what makes her think there is anything new about this? 140,000 words of teenage angst. I'd hang myself.Pat Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08824114343214016153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-50046393404804700232009-07-07T17:02:47.783-04:002009-07-07T17:02:47.783-04:00I read the query through tqice - the first time ju...I read the query through tqice - the first time just reading, the second time specifically checking what Macey was <i>doing</i>. Looks like she decided not to "waste her youth" and therefore had a couple of cocktails. That's not exactly a walk on the wild side, IMO.<br /><br />After that she has to decide whether or not to help her friends. I don't think there's a lot of suspense there. And the part about covering up nudes makes me think of the censorship the government carries out in the Middle East - using Magic Markers on the naughty bits in anatomy books.<br /><br />She's not really an interesting character, in other words. If I'm going to read a book with a drug message, I want the people and the plot to be something other than the usual "good person either gets addicted or sees their best friend become addicted".Marian Pererahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15700524210146863718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-1572187168865401142009-06-19T19:49:42.549-04:002009-06-19T19:49:42.549-04:00BuffySquirrel said:
"I think "Go Ask Al...BuffySquirrel said: <br />"I think "Go Ask Alice" gets counted as yet another memoir that turned out to be A Big Fat Pack of Lies."<br /><br />I thought the writer was referring to the Jefferson Airplane song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Quhj6PEboCUSanoe SChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14585139498091118507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-73461054948678737232009-06-17T08:02:35.607-04:002009-06-17T08:02:35.607-04:00I was tickled by the author's claim that this ...I was tickled by the author's claim that this ms is "literary fiction." I highly doubt it.astrologymemphis.blogspot.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08094432734141490681noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-62997557235000044672009-06-12T19:31:31.644-04:002009-06-12T19:31:31.644-04:00I don't think it's unreasonable for a teen...I don't think it's unreasonable for a teenager not to know how addictive meth is, or for them not to understand the nature of addiction. Plenty of adults seem to have problems with the latter.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-31835841553719980742009-06-12T11:07:47.886-04:002009-06-12T11:07:47.886-04:00As a reader, I'm just not drawn to this "...As a reader, I'm just not drawn to this "very special episode" style of bringing up a serious and gritty topic through the lens of a goodie goodie character who is not really going to get involved. But she can sure sit on the sidelines and be judgemental while she refuses to get her hands dirty. <br />This sounds more like Reefer Madness meets Dr. Phil's Can't Miss Episode for Scaring the Shit out of Parents more than the sisterhood books. <br />Which I agree are YA.Lily Catehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17732112345439595471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-49843344774242784232009-06-11T13:57:52.927-04:002009-06-11T13:57:52.927-04:00Something every aspiring author should know...NEVE...Something every aspiring author should know...NEVER SAY YOU ARE UNPUBLISHED in your query letter. That's a big no no.The Rejection Queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01288683065588449736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-42905854175185492582009-06-10T18:00:28.702-04:002009-06-10T18:00:28.702-04:00I'm with Array. I have never heard Sisterhood ...I'm with Array. I have never heard Sisterhood or the Traveling Pants referred to as middle grade. Furthermore I wouldn't let my 8-12 year-old read them. <br /><br />But I agree with all the rest. I don't have any interest in these characters and if you're going to compare to Sisterhood, your characters better be shining individuals.Liesl Shurtliffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09064620851881036609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-82387245622251765562009-06-10T12:29:03.904-04:002009-06-10T12:29:03.904-04:00What if they were all placed in a small town? (and...What if they were all placed in a small town? (and they may be; I couldn't tell from query.) That's where meth use is growing steadily now; in the South and in the midwest heartland. People tend to stay friends longer in a small town when they may have otherwise drifted apart; that could help solve the 'why doesn't she just get new friends' question. And I could see this turning into more of a Jodi Picoult-type book that features a younger heroine dealing with a Big Issue, but is written for adults. From the query, it doesn't seem edgy enough for YA, so maybe skip the Go Ask Alice/Sisterhood comparison. If you're determined to go YA, it might help to find a few teens willing to read the MS to let you know what they think. Good luck!Anna Clairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08774415814789806840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-77416568168434736692009-06-10T11:52:25.714-04:002009-06-10T11:52:25.714-04:00Teenagers don't drink cocktails, they drink be...Teenagers don't drink cocktails, they drink beer, because it's easy to obtain, transport and consume. <br /><br />And in no way should crystal meth and "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" be included in the same query. Meth addiction is not cute and girly - ever.Rain Likelyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11890603783025457025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-4618474264970002512009-06-10T11:31:38.989-04:002009-06-10T11:31:38.989-04:00I think it would be great to have an MC named Crys...I think it would be great to have an MC named Crystal Meth.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-54390990541322323282009-06-10T09:10:18.422-04:002009-06-10T09:10:18.422-04:00At first I thought Crystal Meth might be a person ...At first I thought Crystal Meth might be a person because it was in caps. Like maybe some weirdo drug dealer who calls herself that? <br />Okay, maybe not.<br />I also thought how Macey ended up with such losers and why when they proved themselves not to be her friends she keeps wanting to go back to them? Macey comes across as not to bright and a bit needy. Aren't there any other kids she can hang out with? I also wonder what kind of school she goes to that doesn't have a decent drug education program. She really didn't understand how addictive Meth is? Or are we in an inner city where this stuff is more rampant. <br />I don't think I can care enough about Macey as she's presented in this query to want to read on. <br />You need to make us care.Aimlesswriterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03012050763172251381noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-53748578218263343162009-06-10T08:04:37.100-04:002009-06-10T08:04:37.100-04:00There are actually people out there who, for whate...There are actually people out there who, for whatever reason, like preachy YA fiction, but they aren't teenagers. If the idea is to write a book for teenagers it shouldn't be written down to them. If (as the length would suggest) this is more of an adult book with a teenage protagonist than Macey really needs to be a more well-rounded character. We need to like her, and she needs to change profoundly from beginning to end.Alissa Grossohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16701189791875707920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-70437517476389271032009-06-10T05:34:34.876-04:002009-06-10T05:34:34.876-04:00I think "Go Ask Alice" gets counted as y...I think "Go Ask Alice" gets counted as yet another memoir that turned out to be A Big Fat Pack of Lies.<br /><br />I don't read memoir any more.<br /><br />Reading this query brought to mind a scene from a film of "Heidi" where a lot of little girls are all bathing in their nighties--because they can't possibly be allowed to see our touch their own naked bodies. That kind of thing would be a more telling point than the post-it notes, I think.<br /><br />I'm presuming these girls have been friends since they were very small, and somehow haven't drifted apart even though their worldviews have diverged. I think the query needs to be more convincing on that point. But more than anything else, it needs to shy away from presenting the book as in any way preachy.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-21074597405105303372009-06-10T05:31:40.508-04:002009-06-10T05:31:40.508-04:00Got to disagree over that first paragraph. I thoug...Got to disagree over that first paragraph. I thought it worked, and the "not a prude" bit was supposed to be ironic. At least that's how I read it--a tipoff that it's the POV of an unreliable narrator.Ellenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06794791220323089387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-44949384498137978882009-06-10T02:49:07.544-04:002009-06-10T02:49:07.544-04:00Perhaps if the MC were Crystal Meth, I might be in...Perhaps if the MC were Crystal Meth, I might be interested; otherwise, this sounds a bit like an afternoon special (which it probably isn't, but that's the sense I get from the query)...Joshua McCunehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17367262185912463258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-73081202222793807402009-06-10T01:48:53.009-04:002009-06-10T01:48:53.009-04:00Crystal Meth could be a person, but she'd have...Crystal Meth could be a person, but she'd have to have really mean parents.<br /><br />The big question: Why doesn't Macey just go get herself some new friends? And what was a girl like her doing with these three cigarette-hiding, condom-toting friends in the first place? I don't know, so I don't know what's at stake for her if she loses them.Shakier Anthemhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16169934547082128953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-50169813083314521892009-06-10T01:42:10.122-04:002009-06-10T01:42:10.122-04:00Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants gets counted as ...Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants gets counted as a mid-grade novel? I've never seen it shelved anywhere but YA, and I'd think the ages of the protagonists (not to mention the fact that one of them considers getting involved in a physical relationship with a camp counselor) would put it over the edge from mid-grade.<br /><br />On a more relevant note, this sounds like every stereotypical YA Issues Book evar. Innocent girl gets thrown in the center of a Big Issue so that the Impressionable Reader learns an Important Lesson. The query should definitely be made more personal, but I think it'd also be prudent to go through the manuscript itself and take a hard look at what happens. Not only will you catch areas where you fall into YA Issues Interchangeable Novel territory, you'll find the more unique bits that you can touch on in the query.Tintinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15976209667609049159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-31022145669153280432009-06-10T00:36:18.824-04:002009-06-10T00:36:18.824-04:00I kind of liked the capitalization of the name of ...I kind of liked the capitalization of the name of the drug. It made it feel like the drug itself was a character in the book.<br /><br />However, the mix of light-hearted-friendship book and dark-addiction book doesn't appeal to me as an adult reader of YA. One or the other, yes. Both together feels forced.Lehcarjthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17171145477602995121noreply@blogger.com