tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post686080370456080780..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #212-Revised-FTWJanet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-55761341493933058702012-01-23T21:01:19.307-05:002012-01-23T21:01:19.307-05:00Is Noah Lukeman still advising queriers to send th...Is Noah Lukeman still advising queriers to send their letters by FedEx?Janet Reidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-45710684118608661972012-01-23T17:17:20.131-05:002012-01-23T17:17:20.131-05:00I'm confused on the log line issue as well. In...I'm confused on the log line issue as well. In Noah Lukeman's e-book "How to Write a Great Query Letter," it specifically states that the first sentence of a query should be a log line. Just shows that every agent will have their own preferences. I respect Janet Reid's opinion though, which makes it so hard to hear of her hatred for log lines, considering the countless hours I've spent perfecting mine!Christianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07085389219592658544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-43008102982287027102012-01-12T01:12:55.277-05:002012-01-12T01:12:55.277-05:00"A journalism degree does not an astronaut ma..."A journalism degree does not an astronaut make." Love that line, I have to say. :) The voice really comes through clearly in this query.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15725049899131699912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-85295978667550709742011-12-21T14:02:18.723-05:002011-12-21T14:02:18.723-05:00Just in to this blog, via a publisher and I will p...Just in to this blog, via a publisher and I will post sometime soon, when the fins stop approaching me in the water - or when I don't feel I'm shark bait. Great site.Brendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14265794008727271236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-12417786675271456852011-12-13T18:43:51.000-05:002011-12-13T18:43:51.000-05:00Some advice that I've come across is that all ...Some advice that I've come across is that all popular books have some quality or something about them to make them very unique. Just about all books are unique, obviously, but maybe you should find what makes your book cool and special, and find a way to stress that? Depending on what that charastic is ... maybe that could help. I've gotten really picky about books needing something differnet about them after I started writing mine. It's not done yet, but so bizare that I don't even answer people when they ask what it's about. Seven years of spacing out can do that. Maybe you'll see a query letter of mine on here some day.Cleohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16358174029753672673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-91078520641353026652011-11-15T13:32:44.133-05:002011-11-15T13:32:44.133-05:00I wish high school English classes would teach kid...I wish high school English classes would teach kids about the Poetics, which emphasizes strong plots based on one character taking one powerful action, similar to what you recommend.<br /><br />From talking to people, I feel like most of us learned more about stuff like imagery, less about stories. As a result everyone wants to come up with great descriptions of places or moods, but we don't know how to write stories.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-67755657908869368262011-11-13T08:29:18.942-05:002011-11-13T08:29:18.942-05:00I agree, what a turnaround. It's so much clea...I agree, what a turnaround. It's so much clearer now. Great job!Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-15985736567253092472011-11-12T15:15:32.431-05:002011-11-12T15:15:32.431-05:00Bill, normally I'm as rabid as they come on &q...Bill, normally I'm as rabid as they come on "fiction novel" but this is "speculative fiction" which modifies novel. Spec fic is a category, much like science fiction novel is correct.<br /><br />But, I'm glad to see you know NO FICTION NOVEL is the rule!Janet Reidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-22659774099598235422011-11-12T08:03:04.822-05:002011-11-12T08:03:04.822-05:00This is an excellent query, but how did everyone l...This is an excellent query, but how did everyone let you get away with calling it a "fiction novel". Pick either fiction or novel.Billhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15486008628621770579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-32665091588410322402011-11-07T00:38:15.255-05:002011-11-07T00:38:15.255-05:00Great job on the revision! In fact, when I started...Great job on the revision! In fact, when I started reading it, I thought "How did I miss a query?" I didn't realize until halfway through that it was the same one that I'd read a few weeks ago about Saturn's moon. This time you made the characters sound much more interesting and likable. I would read this book.Vivianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11459167602091243067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-39699870548509158052011-11-03T12:45:29.636-04:002011-11-03T12:45:29.636-04:00I was about to mention Sam Rockwell's MOON. Th...I was about to mention Sam Rockwell's MOON. This takes the premise of that indie movie and seems to add a few more layers of complexity.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-50745400254836490852011-11-01T03:35:34.291-04:002011-11-01T03:35:34.291-04:00I'm surprised the QS says she'd read pages...I'm surprised the QS says she'd read pages based on the revised query - isn't a good 50% still back story?<br /><br />I still don't think I know who the bad guys are - why do they want access to the AI core? What's their goals and what does this have to do with Felix not being able to get back to earth?<br /><br />The query is definitely better but I think if this was a first attempt the QS would shoot it down. Maybe you caught her on a good day ...Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03112439867635781777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-17979512538644226072011-10-31T22:21:26.928-04:002011-10-31T22:21:26.928-04:00Congrats, looks good.Congrats, looks good.jessehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16489502078962823639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-22220267685579338832011-10-29T06:32:21.389-04:002011-10-29T06:32:21.389-04:00Dude: know the genre. Don't get immobilized by...Dude: know the genre. Don't get immobilized by it, but be aware of Sam Rockwell's movie "Moon", of Bruce Dern's brilliant "Silent Running". I like the idea of the polar tension. The eco-terrorists (and that's the term) sound interesting, but that's obviously their way off, when the betrayed researchers ally with the invaders. Don't leave the key to the locked room hanging outside the door.Joel Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11611692901113614564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-44068564262963034102011-10-27T08:44:05.040-04:002011-10-27T08:44:05.040-04:00Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to figure ou...Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to figure out a query without sounding mundane or cliche. As far as villains, I am following Donald Mass's book's advice and finding reasons that the main character might like her and might hate her and what makes her a three-dimensional evil person. I'm having a lot of fun with my villain.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-40922326785147421102011-10-25T19:26:00.092-04:002011-10-25T19:26:00.092-04:00Dear Shark, I think you should put this in it'...Dear Shark, I think you should put this in it's own box off to the side:<br /><br />"Focus on ACTION not description. Tell us what's at stake and what choices the main characters have to make. Give us a compelling INTERESTING villain."<br /><br />This is the best - and shortest - description of what a query letter needs to be that I've come across.Keith Popelyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18414205709400912353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-89220282913040346682011-10-25T18:51:41.475-04:002011-10-25T18:51:41.475-04:00As a long-time science fiction reader, I would als...As a long-time science fiction reader, I would also suggest that you need to tell me why there are humans on this mission rather than robots. And it had better be a scientifically valid reason.Lorelei Armstronghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07639663436142251951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-87866584706243474692011-10-24T08:37:34.794-04:002011-10-24T08:37:34.794-04:00I love to sip my favorite coffee and read your com...I love to sip my favorite coffee and read your comments. Aaah!Karen Baldwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01522178275164058849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-24156711967603966552011-10-24T06:52:43.394-04:002011-10-24T06:52:43.394-04:00I like the writer's voice but I don't unde...I like the writer's voice but I don't understand much about the story. What I read is that two bored people live on a moon that is invaded. Shouldn't they be excited that something is finally happening. Why the Russians? What makes the Russians sci-fi?<br /><br />What is important about the moon being invaded? What is at stake? What are they losing, gaining? How does their relationship change? <br /><br />There are so many elements that seem disjointed, the employer, his paranoia and inexperience?angie Brooksby-Arcangiolihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08000615140577512304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-91160165951560917662011-10-24T04:32:43.730-04:002011-10-24T04:32:43.730-04:00Sorry author:
Not only does the query fail to ent...Sorry author:<br /><br />Not only does the query fail to entice me, the story also suffers from a bigger problem. It's unrealistic to have one person keep a moon base running without any sort of help.<br /><br />I would reject this because I can't suspend disbelief to that extend.Stijn Hommeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18427641742234977801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-25086084963095635302011-10-23T21:42:13.233-04:002011-10-23T21:42:13.233-04:00@planetpooks BAHAHAHA COMMENT OF THE NIGHT GOES TO...@planetpooks BAHAHAHA COMMENT OF THE NIGHT GOES TO YOU!! :DBPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16407715408242911362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-68575038308609904442011-10-23T16:21:10.170-04:002011-10-23T16:21:10.170-04:00And I've read advice about how the first sente...<i>And I've read advice about how the first sentence in a query should be a log line.</i><br /><br />I've never seen an agent give that advice.<br /><br />Max, I love your idea, I think. So cut to the chase (to use a Hollywoodism). "Stranded on one of Saturn's icy moons, Felix and Cara must {whatever they must do}."JShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13974691019739092440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-3186382791508481572011-10-23T15:28:27.780-04:002011-10-23T15:28:27.780-04:00What's the story's inciting incident? Inst...What's the story's inciting incident? Instead of a logline, that's what you should use as your hook. <br /><br />The inciting incident is the thing that kick-starts your story. It should appear in the first paragraph, right after a <i>very</i> lean sketch of the important backstory.<br /><br />In your case, the invasion is clearly the inciting incident, so I'd recommend a first paragraph like:<br /><br /><i>Felix Ramo operates Ontario Station in the southern hemisphere of Saturn's moon, and Cara Moretti occupies Kivu Station to the north. They depend on each other to stave off the depression of isolation, but that bond becomes a life-line when conservationists attack, trying to gain control of the tiny world.</i><br /><br />Then you can talk about what Felix and Cara try to do, how their plans go awry, and how each new complication raises the stakes. <br /><br />Felix losing his grip and Cara finding out they're on their own are <i>complications</i>. You need to ensure the reader knows what plan of action those complications are getting in the way of. <br /><br />For example, Cara's original plan was obviously to call home for help. Finding out "home" has no intention of helping scuppers her plan and raises the stakes by making her realize she's on her own. <br /><br />The next plan might be Cara trying to assemble a strategy for defence with Felix (plan), only to learn he's mentally unstable (complication) and might be a liability rather than an ally (stakes rise). <br /><br />By the end of your query, you should have manipulated your protagonists into the book's worst dilemma/hardest choice/trickiest trap. Then, leave the reader with no idea how the protagonists escape. That serves as a cliffhanger ending.<br /><br />This isn't the only way to write a query, obviously, but I find it's a useful way to assemble your plot points into a gripping summary. Best of luck with this!jjdebenedictishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16950592240599703771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-66012835427376866472011-10-23T15:20:51.119-04:002011-10-23T15:20:51.119-04:00Max, you only get 250 words - chose wisely.
Ofte...Max, you only get 250 words - chose wisely. <br />Often in good SciFi, complex characters exist in their own universe, an unseen world of intricate nuance. It is impossible to boil that ALL down and make it interesting.<br />There's just too much information in here. Narrow the focus. Intrigue us, intice us, make us laugh, make us care about one problem, and imply the rest.<br />The goal is to get us to want more - not to summarize.<br />That said, I see potential. Start over.<br />Good luck.jessehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16489502078962823639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-87741540622442800572011-10-23T15:18:18.296-04:002011-10-23T15:18:18.296-04:00I've also heard it said from the various inhab...I've also heard it said from the various inhabitants of Suite 500 that synopses are of the Devil. But we still get asked to write them! Oh how I wish Janet Reid could write the rule book for querying and we could be done with log lines and synopses forever! But alas! Every agent will insist on doing things their own way. :)<br /><br />With regard to the query, I concur with much of what's been said. I particularly agree with what "Me" said. Only I wish he'd used his name because that sounds wrong!Colin Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03292997431935215499noreply@blogger.com