tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post8224427977421390993..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #265Janet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-45203896071950270762014-12-02T11:03:08.213-05:002014-12-02T11:03:08.213-05:00It sounded like a good set up for a western romanc...It sounded like a good set up for a western romance to me, also. There's nothing wrong with that. They seem to sell well. The only thing I was wondering about was where the conflict is. You have the set up for some interesting characters, but what happens? Maybe the secrets is enough.<br /><br />I love Louis L'Amour, so I might read it.<br /><br />Good job on the author's part for catching the shark's eye.<br /><br />JulieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-84798078648261667522014-12-02T10:40:55.950-05:002014-12-02T10:40:55.950-05:00Z.Z.
Not really. My cousin is a confirmed bachelo...Z.Z.<br /><br />Not really. My cousin is a confirmed bachelor because he was career military in anti-terrorism before it became "popular". As such, even when he had leave, he had to keep two suitcases packed at all times, one by the door and one in his car.<br /><br />He didn't think it was fair, or safe, to subject a family to his lifestyle. After a career in the military and seeing so many men treated poorly by cheating spouses, he swore he'd never get married even when he got out. That doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy ladies, he'll just never marry.<br /><br />My youngest son swears he'll never remarry, confirmed bachelor, after what his ex did to him in Iraq and is holding true to that. He dates, but if it starts getting too close, he's gone. I kept thinking he would get over it and find someone right for him, but he says all he wants is to take care of his little boy.<br /><br />Confirmed bachelor doesn't always mean gay.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-58479813081264332152014-11-22T15:41:13.229-05:002014-11-22T15:41:13.229-05:00By reviewers, I meant those who had reviewed the q...By reviewers, I meant those who had reviewed the query letter. Sorry 'bout that!Gifford MacShanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15578566471446994845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-19886240205876368562014-11-21T18:56:06.822-05:002014-11-21T18:56:06.822-05:00*whispers* Also please don't ask reviewers for...*whispers* Also please don't ask reviewers for feedback. Please. I don't wanna write that reply email.Lainahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00134705793566699951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-48796827138152086482014-11-20T19:13:39.189-05:002014-11-20T19:13:39.189-05:00A shootout at the O.K. Corral does not necessarily...A shootout at the O.K. Corral does not necessarily mean this is a Western, nor does a bachelor who happens to have his heartstrings pulled make this a Romance. There seems to be a more profound story here with Jesse's secrets and being held captive by her brother and Adam's own reasons for wanting to remain a bachelor until he meets her.<br /><br />Usually this would be the last type of book I would pick up to read, but this query is intriguing enough I could see myself reading the first pages to find out more and isn't that what a query is suppose to do? LynnRodzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10796099106913990163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-78423143307710237452014-11-19T19:49:08.118-05:002014-11-19T19:49:08.118-05:00This query gave a clear set-up - it made me think ...This query gave a clear set-up - it made me think that, if I picked up the book, I´d have a glimmer of the characters and the basic plot. Like some other commenters, romance isn´t my thing, but I was interested in the frontier Arizona setting.<br /><br />I´ll second the notion that a query doesn´t have to be perfect - it has to grab the reader. Mark me down as grabbed.Amy Schaeferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17263719891092841767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-60284648482007260992014-11-18T19:07:01.659-05:002014-11-18T19:07:01.659-05:00Z.Z., agreed, "confirmed bachelor" has a...Z.Z., agreed, "confirmed bachelor" has a very specific meaning, and it's not "commit-o-phobic guy of the heterosexual persuasion". (I'm of an age where that was very much the only way to mention these things. Sigh.)<br /><br />And now I must away. The Persian empire's oil lamps are about to expire ...DLMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08768285199864217885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-68826765563302702372014-11-18T14:31:58.286-05:002014-11-18T14:31:58.286-05:00I'm not, never have been, and probably never w...I'm not, never have been, and probably never will be a reader of romance...because it makes me want to gag. But this actually had me intrigued. Props to the author!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-66200379083885417142014-11-18T08:28:41.864-05:002014-11-18T08:28:41.864-05:00Yes, it does sound like a romance. If this is a ro...Yes, it does sound like a romance. If this is a romance and we're showing the MC's growth, it would help to show why he's decided not to get attached to women in the beginning. I'd also like to see a glimmer of the person who has been abused besides abuse. If all he sees in her is a woman who needs fixing, what makes him stay around after she's better? It's probably in the manuscript, but I'd like to see a little more dimension in both characters here. I think both of these are quick fixes to make this query even stronger. <br /><br />By the way, the "descended from Irish immigrants" part really has no bearing in the story or tell us anything about him as a person. I'd take it out. Use the room to address some of my suggestions above. Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-84714320093796895412014-11-17T11:22:47.839-05:002014-11-17T11:22:47.839-05:00It's not really my genre, but the query does w...It's not really my genre, but the query does what it should do: It tells me wtf happens in the book. I've seen enough queries on this blog where I couldn't even tell if I'd like the book behind them or not.<br />And for a romance novel, I'm actually okay with the plot here, as you don't seem to go for the dreaded "love can fix your trauma" plot.<br /><br />Also, ugh, I know this kind of critic/beta reader. These are often people who know the rules exist, but don't know why, and when to ignore them.Ellipsis Floodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03097098062834873232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-91067152143025407062014-11-16T14:55:41.655-05:002014-11-16T14:55:41.655-05:00I, too, read this as a romance in a Western settin...I, too, read this as a romance in a Western setting, so it should probably be pitched as such.<br /><br />Two things impress me. First, the fact that, flaws aside (and I agree there are places where the query could be tightened and polished), Janet said she would request pages. This is an object lesson in being enticing over being perfect. Very encouraging. :)<br /><br />The second is something I already knew but it hits home seeing it in black-and-white: you really know your business, Janet! Of course, as a literary agent, it's your job to know books, authors, sales, markets, etc. And that's kind of my point. No offense to self-publishers, but this is why I want an agent. I don't have time to become this intimately acquainted with publishing. But I would love someone on my "team" who is. :)<br /><br />All the best with this, querier! :)Colin Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03292997431935215499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-64072344898007329692014-11-16T13:48:53.430-05:002014-11-16T13:48:53.430-05:00Isn't "confirmed bachelor" an establ...Isn't "confirmed bachelor" an established euphemism for "quite gay"? I was excited to get some lgbt fiction up in here, but then it turned really heterosexual. My disappointment aside, that phrasing should probably be tweaked.Z.Z.https://www.blogger.com/profile/04518525715341565934noreply@blogger.com