tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post3009724213446737786..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #181-FTWJanet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-55087704954257177772014-05-27T12:01:20.115-04:002014-05-27T12:01:20.115-04:00I really want to read this! I hope it exists.I really want to read this! I hope it exists.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18304987001735754561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-1138480658270945522011-01-09T15:05:34.516-05:002011-01-09T15:05:34.516-05:00Gakked from the FBI web site:
There are specific ...Gakked from the FBI web site:<br /><br />There are specific elements that will automatically disqualify job candidates for employment with the FBI. The FBI Employment Disqualifiers are:<br /><br /><br />Conviction of a felony <br /><br />Use of illegal drugs in violation of the FBI Employment Drug Policy (see the FBI Employment Drug Policy for more details) <br /><br />Default of a student loan (insured by the U.S. Government) <br /><br />Failure of an FBI-administered urinalysis drug test <br /><br />Failure to register with the Selective Service System (for males only) <br /><br />Is it possible to be thrown in Juvie for something less than a felony?The Morrigan's Pethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01344715430824843667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-70084404938482915612010-11-09T08:34:40.742-05:002010-11-09T08:34:40.742-05:00Can you be in the FBI if you've been to juvie?...Can you be in the FBI if you've been to juvie?<br /><br />I'm pretty sure they don't let you do that.Hopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150555191419949139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-17596810268659809332010-10-21T12:39:55.461-04:002010-10-21T12:39:55.461-04:00I am impressed with the query. But, the plot soun...I am impressed with the query. But, the plot sounds a little simple. Book may be a little more suited to Y/A (if there are no overt sex scenes or language)than Adult. I would read it, hoping it didn't turn out to be a sleeper.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05885587918063229446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-90035934408850236092010-10-16T21:34:30.693-04:002010-10-16T21:34:30.693-04:00I'd totally read this. Great query!I'd totally read this. Great query!Jamie Smith Hopkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16947966931430504394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-58449438592213547412010-10-12T00:10:01.558-04:002010-10-12T00:10:01.558-04:00I'd read anything that had 'juvie' in ...I'd read anything that had 'juvie' in it-quite the hook!<br /><br />Hey Sharkie, what % of the books you agree to rep end up selling? Just curious if the long odds get better at that point.John Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09916798557666938084noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-12507963358038586992010-10-07T06:38:11.046-04:002010-10-07T06:38:11.046-04:00Clean writing, characters I'm already getting ...Clean writing, characters I'm already getting to know, and... what's that? A plot? With a side dish of logic? Woo-hoo! Well done, #181!Alliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13586114040204349348noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-82555392933559771192010-10-05T23:22:20.520-04:002010-10-05T23:22:20.520-04:00This is really not a genre that I have any interes...This is really not a genre that I have any interest in... but it's such a great query letter I really want to read the book and find out what the deal is! It sounds like a really well thought out story, and this letter is very well written.<br /><br />Query Shark, do people ever get back to you and say "thanks for your help, I got an agent and a contract and my book will be published in the spring"? It would be awesome if you posted that information... I'd love to be able to check out some of these books that actually make it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-3775221495500621142010-10-05T16:49:26.507-04:002010-10-05T16:49:26.507-04:00This sounds like an interesting story, and I reall...This sounds like an interesting story, and I really liked the query. I also like how it shows that you can break the 'rules' when it works.Remilda Graystonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13649300813621588790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-20526913485357264552010-10-05T11:40:12.481-04:002010-10-05T11:40:12.481-04:00Thank you for posting this one. It is a great exa...Thank you for posting this one. It is a great example of how to do it right -- and your commentary breaks down the <i>why</i> and the <i>how</i> of it working. Exactly what I need as I'm working on my first query.<br /><br /><br />-- TomTom M Franklinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05168232678401202091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-30044230670414611712010-10-04T17:23:16.118-04:002010-10-04T17:23:16.118-04:00What's especially good about this query is tha...What's especially good about this query is that the author didn't use any "cheap tricks" to make it sound like they had <i>voice</i>. Just smooth, well thought out prose with all the fat trimmed. This is writing.M. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-77985907068846050522010-10-04T12:30:48.002-04:002010-10-04T12:30:48.002-04:00Yayyyy! As I was reading, I thought it was a litt...Yayyyy! As I was reading, I thought it was a little long, sneaking into synopsis category, but it manages to stay firmly on this side of the query/synopsis line. I was cheered at the word count of 92k because it shows that the writer knows exactly what she's doing. Great job!Margaret Yanghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06464624057491288244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-76859991353390952132010-10-04T11:30:36.786-04:002010-10-04T11:30:36.786-04:00Very nicely done. If the author managed the same ...Very nicely done. If the author managed the same flow in the book as in the query, I'd read it.Delia Moranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01957513773943040065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-40693055608081369152010-10-04T10:38:50.976-04:002010-10-04T10:38:50.976-04:00@Irene
The protagonist isn't named Vi. The pro...@Irene<br />The protagonist isn't named Vi. The protagonist is Delia. The victim is Violet, Vi for short (she's the friend who ends up dead after investigating a shady detective). So as far as the name thing goes, I don't think this author has to worry too much about that.<br /><br />@Author<br />Stunning job. I don't read much in the mystery genre, but this is a book I'd pick up to read.Teagenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10595226597188375674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-64054458856718156032010-10-04T09:56:25.299-04:002010-10-04T09:56:25.299-04:00I loved the way the plot was presented, showing th...I loved the way the plot was presented, showing the risk the protagonist had to face and the question; is it worth taking the risk.<br /><br />It was straight to the point, simply, believable, enticing, and new. Love the title as well.Orlandohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10103458688711351378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-42193243800441157272010-10-04T01:23:43.788-04:002010-10-04T01:23:43.788-04:00So often, getting it right mostly means just avoid...So often, getting it right mostly means just avoiding all the ways you can go wrong :P This query does that well. <br /><br />The key here is logical sequence. <br /><br />Everything -makes sense-. There's no disconnect moment, no "huh" after reading a sentence. The prose is polished, effortless, and clear.<br /><br />Beyond that we get a real sense of who the protagonist is, what drives her, what she wants, and what's at stake.<br /><br />All that and in a compact form. Well done.M. G. E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08995766358224581297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-75982036433957585572010-10-03T22:00:55.062-04:002010-10-03T22:00:55.062-04:00I like it! It's clear. It's concise. I k...I like it! It's clear. It's concise. I know who the protagonist is, what she's doing, and why. Well done!Zoehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15451844238099966226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-74977389599968298652010-10-03T21:20:09.369-04:002010-10-03T21:20:09.369-04:00Well done, #181.
Somebody wanted an example of a ...Well done, #181.<br /><br />Somebody wanted an example of a spectacular query? Cast your corneas on this!<br /><br />This is one of the better successful queries I've seen on the site, on a par with the one about the "idiot" (Sergio?) in the court.Jo-Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15705983780352542190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-6800144286853609062010-10-03T18:08:49.090-04:002010-10-03T18:08:49.090-04:00As an avid reader of mystery (it’s my not so secre...As an avid reader of mystery (it’s my not so secret vice), I like the query and suspect I’ll love the book. One, very tiny concern: Sara Paretsky’s (author of many well written mysteries) protagonist is named V.I. (Warshawski). I know the protag here is Vi, but it’s very close, so you might consider a different name. Otherwise, this query is very enticing and I certainly would like to see the book.Irene Troyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11839666907158210573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-22184799298657736222010-10-03T12:48:19.806-04:002010-10-03T12:48:19.806-04:00182- Nice job. That was a superb query, and now y...182- Nice job. That was a superb query, and now you need to pubhsilh it so we can all read it! I know I'm dying to know what happens. It sounds sort of like it could be one of those good movies where the person has to investigate even though they shouldn't be involved/were kicked off the case, but nobody ever makes books like that. I'm glad you did! Good luck!!wizardonskis22https://www.blogger.com/profile/06685192078420924575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-50611117124786867182010-10-03T12:05:12.811-04:002010-10-03T12:05:12.811-04:00First, great work. But just to make this query SPE...First, great work. But just to make this query SPECTACULAR :) ....<br /><br />Janet wouldn't pare any words, but I'd pare two, in this sentence:<br /><br /><i>Delia decides to investigate Vi’s murder herself, teaming up <b>with an with an</b> old high school flame</i><br /><br />And just one more teeny tiny issue: if Delia is going to law school, she's been through college. The bad cafeteria food and cutthroat competition to get into law school should have prepared her for her prison-like law school experience. And in four years of undergrad study, she must have encountered a harsh authority figure or two.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-76359230706084636232010-10-03T11:32:57.449-04:002010-10-03T11:32:57.449-04:00I found the story interesting, but parts of the qu...I found the story interesting, but parts of the query redundant. I think it could have been pared. <br /><br />However, I also agree it works anyway. The litmus test is getting interest - and that it did.Stephanie Barrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17772217449161603561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-52916456221801694262010-10-03T10:00:34.369-04:002010-10-03T10:00:34.369-04:00I want to read this book. brilliant query.I want to read this book. brilliant query.Guineverehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10058786129073896210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-86539807208096272572010-10-03T09:54:33.569-04:002010-10-03T09:54:33.569-04:00I'm impressed.
I hope this query gets an age...I'm impressed. <br /><br />I hope this query gets an agent and a publishing deal so that later on I can buy it and read it.fairyhedgehoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14141089706966852951noreply@blogger.com