tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post6662472336612049053..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #196-FTWJanet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-75887302569282881702011-03-16T09:13:48.535-04:002011-03-16T09:13:48.535-04:00I have to say, this is my first time dropping by a...I have to say, this is my first time dropping by and this post was extremely helpful. I see many mistakes I make. Writing a query letter, I often begin this way...Libbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14323538213636795216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-71240844360234959652011-03-15T00:46:22.667-04:002011-03-15T00:46:22.667-04:00I like this premise.
That being said, it is NOTH...I like this premise. <br /><br />That being said, it is NOTHING like the DOCTOR WHO "GRIDLOCK" episode that refers to the motorway. In that show, the people who have 3 or more people in their flying cars in an enclosed motorway, can go below the rest of the traffic, to the carpool lane, where they are generally eaten be devolved aliens who feed on gas. <br /><br />Unless I seriously misread the premise here, it's not the same. The only similarity I really see is the danger in the lower levels, which has been used since the time of moses--including movies like the fifth element--where pollution has made the lower levels nearly inhabitable, yada yada. <br /><br />I know, I'm ranting a little here (you think) but it's very frustrating to me to see writers accused of stealing someone elses material, even if only the idea, when they obviously have put their own twist on things.Leonahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11786326364037397675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-35432424240683116342011-03-11T14:53:10.407-05:002011-03-11T14:53:10.407-05:00Is LaGroix's redemption related to his moonlig...Is LaGroix's redemption related to his moonlighting? Hmmm?<br /><br />The term fourths is confusing. I visualized an amusement park ride - the attendant yelling for an extra rider before the roller coaster starts climbing the hill! Hang on for your life :)<br /><br />I'd read your book.Robbinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267650156858452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-20242086993383676742011-03-10T18:27:58.270-05:002011-03-10T18:27:58.270-05:00I wouldn't pitch it as SF, but I would pitch i...I wouldn't pitch it as SF, but I would pitch it as taking place IN SF -- San Francisco, that is. San Francisco already has the casual commute, where people who want to take the carpool lane across the Bay Bridge pick up "thirds" to complete the trip. My father used to tell me I was going to end up dead one day as a "third" casual commuter. Great premise!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13303192359480538143noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-68093791034924041422011-03-09T10:02:52.343-05:002011-03-09T10:02:52.343-05:00Really interesting idea--I can totally see shades ...Really interesting idea--I can totally see shades of seedy Victorian underworld murders of marginalized individuals reimagined in a futuristic setting. By the way, I remember hearing an NPR story about, basically, this concept actually happening (minus murders) in areas where carpool lanes/parking spaces are covetted. The practice was called slugging--people hang out at designated locations and "slug" in carpool cars to, roughly, their destination. : http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90700559Rowennahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09757364614589686606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-18821996078892776502011-03-07T00:56:50.106-05:002011-03-07T00:56:50.106-05:00I really get excited to read about a new concept o...I really get excited to read about a new concept or idea. This seems interesting and unique. Kudos to the writer.Vacuum Queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12591189479761010265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-25362212137733913392011-03-05T17:53:16.135-05:002011-03-05T17:53:16.135-05:00This does feel like a fresh story.
I'm alway...This does feel like a fresh story. <br /><br />I'm always pulling out filler words. <br /><br />This actually sounds more dystopian than sci fi. As QS says, you don't want to shrink your agent pool. <br /><br />Good luck!Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-76441401794217240422011-03-05T15:59:49.036-05:002011-03-05T15:59:49.036-05:00Really love the premise of the book.
I am going ...Really love the premise of the book. <br /><br />I am going to disagree with the people suggesting that the word fourths be capitalized. Used in this context, the word fourth is being used as an occupation, not a proper noun. Just as you would not capitalize police officer or baker or plumber, fourth should not be capitalized.The Wisperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18002563527986399730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-24290580863213151112011-03-04T19:47:47.084-05:002011-03-04T19:47:47.084-05:00Hi! Fabulous query! I agree that the fourths cou...Hi! Fabulous query! I agree that the fourths could be clarified, and I like the idea of capitalizing. It makes them stand out and one can immediately tell they're important.<br /><br />The premise is really great, and I would definitely read it. I'm not sure that it makes it Sci-Fi, though. Farenheit 451 is Sci-Fi because of all the technology, which is central to the plot, but this seems different, from the way you've described it. If you don't use too much tech stuff, then it could pass as crime or another better-selling genre. Of course, I love Sci-Fi and wouldn't mind seeing it in those shelves either :-Dwizardonskis22https://www.blogger.com/profile/06685192078420924575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-4092751856833630352011-03-03T11:00:59.361-05:002011-03-03T11:00:59.361-05:00I agree with the peanut gallery about this query. ...I agree with the peanut gallery about this query. It's awesome-o 3000. <br /><br />I had the same problem that Amber did with the word "fourths" --- it's not baffling, but it can cause a moment's confusion. <br /><br />And while I agree with QS that it's best to avoid the "science fiction" label, I'd go further and say this doesn't seem like science fiction --- not all dystopias are, are they? Science fiction stories are about characters reacting and adapting to changes in technology (with fear, excitement, enthusiasm, violence, or whatever). <br /><br />The "fourths" don't seem to be an adaptation of that kind. Detroit's traffic policy is an adaptation to the depletion of natural resources, not new tech.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-67945857512398950212011-03-01T22:36:40.014-05:002011-03-01T22:36:40.014-05:00Definitely a relevant idea and an interesting prem...Definitely a relevant idea and an interesting premise. I was also reminded of the Doctor Who episode, but there's no fault in using similar ideas to make an important point.<br /><br />I can see the point of the commenter who mentioned Detroit as a problematic setting, though. Maybe L.A.? I could see them implementing this kind of strategy to cut down on their legendary congestion/pollution.bzyglowihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11564099205654636171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-57276055561800465722011-03-01T21:04:28.818-05:002011-03-01T21:04:28.818-05:00Isn't science fiction? That's an absurd cl...Isn't science fiction? That's an absurd claim to make — of course it is, definitively so. You've ghettoized the genre in your head and are arbitrarily excluding the examples of it that interest you — i.e. it's too "good" to be science fiction.liquidmorphemehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12523197938092158824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-79445727928305822512011-03-01T16:04:28.880-05:002011-03-01T16:04:28.880-05:00I wonder if the first sentence could be made clear...I wonder if the first sentence could be made clearer by either scare-quoting 'fourths' or capitalizing the word. I got confused too because I think of fourths as musical chords.<br /><br />I like the premise.Unrepentant Escapisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14084297041989860942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-15228122122518012462011-03-01T13:48:37.807-05:002011-03-01T13:48:37.807-05:00I would also capitalize or put quotation marks aro...I would also capitalize or put quotation marks around "fourths" the first time, just to indicate that it was a special use of the word.JShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13974691019739092440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-62808252952513207662011-02-28T19:04:16.414-05:002011-02-28T19:04:16.414-05:00Yeah, I would pitch it to SF-representing agents a...Yeah, I would pitch it to SF-representing agents as near-future SF, and to thriller/suspense-representing agents as thriller/suspense.<br /><br />Near-future settings aren't actually a barrier to mainstream thriller/suspense publication; I just read Brad Meltzer's latest, for instance, which is set in 2015 or 2019, depending on how many terms Obama served in his imaginary universe.JShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13974691019739092440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-55098442089452981572011-02-28T18:44:11.772-05:002011-02-28T18:44:11.772-05:00This didn't intrigue me even a little, which i...This didn't intrigue me even a little, which is probably more of a commentary on my reading taste than the plot line. However, I was lost in the first sentence. As someone else said--Amber, I think--I couldn't figure out who or what 'fourths' were.tawdrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04387924582172199235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-11739437547780722702011-02-28T16:11:31.522-05:002011-02-28T16:11:31.522-05:00Speculative fiction in its narrowest definition is...Speculative fiction in its narrowest definition is how I would categorize the genre. Unfortunately, fantastical genre has co-opted the term as a catch-all for science fiction, fantasy, and horror. Speculative fiction, where imaginative but credible premises drive the plot.<br /><br />By that definition, dystopia can be categorized as speculative fiction, as long as there's no over the top fantastical premises.<br /><br />Dystopia also falls in the soft science fiction subcategory, where imaginative social premises drive the plot.<br /><br />High occupancy travel highway lanes are present-day realities. Four occupants to a vehicle are a certainty for the near future, and already in place in some locales. Great imaginative premises twist on present-day realities.<br /><br />I'm most intrigued by what the outcome might be. Let the terrorists have their say, freedom of expression, as violent as it is, because it might wake people up to the social inequalities and environmental short-sightedness represented, or put a stop to it. Seems ripe of the kind of character change good fiction relies on.John Jackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11836130670029779104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-51614008707150964832011-02-28T14:08:37.133-05:002011-02-28T14:08:37.133-05:00This sounds sci-fi-ish, but def light sci fi, unle...This sounds sci-fi-ish, but def light sci fi, unless there's a lot of future tech. Even so, I'm guessing this would be easier to sell as crime or maybe high concept commercial. Damn market trends... ;)<br /><br />As for the first sentence being confusing- it kept me reading.jessehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16489502078962823639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-74273709167032496772011-02-28T04:17:44.611-05:002011-02-28T04:17:44.611-05:00Any science fiction that you like the sound of is ...Any science fiction that you like the sound of is not actually science fiction (despite being set in the future!) but "crime" (or, in the case of Hugo and Nebula award-winning "The Windup Girl," it's "dystopian"!)<br /><br />Prejudice. It's pukelicious. The book sounds awesome and I hope it makes a whole lot of money for the author. Too bad that also means it will make money for the people who deface it in order to make it acceptable to idiots who say they don't like science fiction or fantasy even though their favourite "thriller" is Jurassic Park and their favourite "adventure" is Pirates of the Carribean.Sakurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11185799195718667482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-80704572987602050172011-02-28T03:39:33.110-05:002011-02-28T03:39:33.110-05:00Also, I too have been wondering about the necessit...Also, I too have been wondering about the necessity of clarifying a novel's genre in the query. <br /><br />Mostly because I write literary fiction, and I wonder if the word 'literary' isn't a kiss of death in this day and age.<br /><br />FWIW, for me it's clearly "are" in that sentence. Unless there are and will be no more deaths among the fourths. In which case, there's also no more tension. And I can feel safe driving along again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-21751037260348855932011-02-28T03:33:41.575-05:002011-02-28T03:33:41.575-05:00I found the first sentence confusing as well -- th...I found the first sentence confusing as well -- the only reasons I read on were the "FTW" in the entry title and, of course, the fact that the Query Shark chose it for review. <br /><br />Would another agent read past that first line? <br /><br />It seems to me that all it needs is a simple clarifier: "in the near future" or mention of the year, or something like that. <br /><br />As it is, I found the opening a bit limp. Also, isn't this all backstory? <br /><br />If this was on the cover of a book, I'd put it right down. No way I'm going to want to read a story about commuting. And having lived on the South Side of Chicago, I drove my '78 Chevy Impala through "dangerous" neighborhoods every day.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-9198768623477226722011-02-27T23:29:51.134-05:002011-02-27T23:29:51.134-05:00Very nice. I love this kind of speculative detecti...Very nice. I love this kind of speculative detection story, and it sounds very unique and intriguing. <br /><br />The first sentence struck me as very awkward and somewhat unintelligible - at the very least, shouldn't the initial descriptors be in the plural? The first time I read the line, I thought that "fourths" referred to 25% of things.<br /><br />O Noble Shark, might I ask that you expand a bit on "this isn't science fiction"? It's clearly speculative and not-in-our-world, it just doesn't have space ships. It'd fit neatly into SF - but I agree it would fit other genres, and readers, as well. Is this a marketing-genre distinction? How do I differentiate speculative fiction from the SF marketing genre?Standbackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10877817311001333712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-51004892730971479612011-02-27T22:05:23.462-05:002011-02-27T22:05:23.462-05:00Karen, I'm with you that the idea there is a b...Karen, I'm with you that the idea there is a bit confusing. BUT I thought the rest was so well done, that the whole terrorist/fourth thing would be explained in the manuscript. At least, I hope so.Buffrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12013636988179594889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-86415452476845368682011-02-27T21:14:09.257-05:002011-02-27T21:14:09.257-05:00I like this! Finally something that is not run-of-...I like this! Finally something that is not run-of-the-mill. Nice.Cathihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07211019671029222009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-27103717743699408302011-02-27T20:18:11.018-05:002011-02-27T20:18:11.018-05:00I got 100% on the quiz. Do I get a cupcake?
I'...I got 100% on the quiz. Do I get a cupcake?<br /><br />I'd read the book. I'm searching my WIP for 'since'.Simon Hayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09384384882217609761noreply@blogger.com