tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post7529050397994965249..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #76-RevisionsJanet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-60250729422937560542008-10-26T17:16:00.000-04:002008-10-26T17:16:00.000-04:00Janet, he did mention the new word count, in paren...Janet, he did mention the new word count, in parentheses after the title. It's 90k.<BR/><BR/>I still probably wouldn't even pick this one up in a bookstore, though. There isn't anything appealing about the characters or the idea behind it. When I first read "sexual freedom" I thought he's gay and his parents were the type to insist "it's just a phase".Teagenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10595226597188375674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-22454620484654393622008-09-14T15:19:00.000-04:002008-09-14T15:19:00.000-04:00The query smells of an academic delving into ficti...The query smells of an academic delving into fiction, and it's important to remember that academic writing and fiction writing have very different audiences. You might want to have a freelance editor go through it. Or, since you're a professor, you can probably talk to one of the interns in the English department or someone at your writing center. Just someone to look at it through a fiction reader's eye rather than an academic's.andietherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11875615192437415869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-20100723896699946912008-09-14T13:04:00.000-04:002008-09-14T13:04:00.000-04:00Talpianna said: "If you want to catch a shark, you...Talpianna said: "If you want to catch a shark, you need a good strong hook and the ability to haul line."<BR/><BR/>You left something off. You not only need to haul line but cut bait. Even a hungry shark won't bite at an empty hook.Steve Stubbshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10051363877066768708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-6952844087741705412008-09-13T20:41:00.000-04:002008-09-13T20:41:00.000-04:00I found this one really wordy and the information ...I found this one really wordy and the information given on the story too brief and general. He/She seemed to spend more time talking about him/herself than the actual story. But that's just my opinion.Teagenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10595226597188375674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-29681957395424750222008-09-13T20:34:00.000-04:002008-09-13T20:34:00.000-04:00If you want to catch a shark, you need a good stro...If you want to catch a shark, you need a good strong hook and the ability to haul line.talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-1183947166973261212008-09-13T13:23:00.000-04:002008-09-13T13:23:00.000-04:00My understanding from various guides is that the d...<I>My understanding from various guides is that the description is supposed to boil everything down into 2 sentences.</I><BR/><BR/>Different agents expect different things out of a query letter. In most cases, the 2 sentences you mention are the hook or the pitch or the log line. You start with those sentences and expand from there in your query letter. And you don't pack those 2 sentences with everything you can about the book. Something like:<BR/><BR/><I>Matthew Christensen's strict Catholic upbringing in a 1950's boarding school didn't prepare him for life in a secular college town. The sexual revolution is gearing up, young men and women are openly experimenting with sexual boundaries, and Matthew -- thrust into a world he never knew existed -- finds his own temptations threatening to tip the balance between faith and living.</I> <BR/><BR/>Also, just like in your novel, you want to show more than tell. For instance, telling us the book dramatizes the conflicts created by etc. is yawn-inducing. Give an example: <I>When the first temptation shimmies near during pledge week, Matthew clutches the Bible tucked in his pocket nearer still. On temptation's second pass, the Bible slips away."</I> <BR/><BR/>And never, never should a first-time novelist's credits paragraph be longer than the story description. Professor and actor have no bearing on the work at hand. Leading off with them greatly dilutes the published works mentions that come after.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-3335560972751757942008-09-13T08:46:00.000-04:002008-09-13T08:46:00.000-04:00What's lyric naturalism?*reads above post*Got it. ...What's lyric naturalism?<BR/><BR/>*reads above post*<BR/><BR/>Got it. <BR/><BR/>Now, we know the conflict... what is your main characters name and what is he/she doing? What's the catalyst for action? What makes me turn pages?Liana Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14587774916354749190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-52542205767455071202008-09-13T06:21:00.000-04:002008-09-13T06:21:00.000-04:00Thank you both to Janet and to those who commented...Thank you both to Janet and to those who commented. I'll be rewriting it with all this in mind. I won't burden any of you with a long definition of lyric naturalism. Just one example--Toni Morrison's Beloved. (It is part of a tradition that goes back to writers like Virginia Woolf and Faulkner.) I realize the length is prohibitive. And I am thinking of dividing it into two separate books. I will work hard to get a better description for story and character. My understanding from various guides is that the description is supposed to boil everything down into 2 sentences. That's what I've tried to do. But they're the wrong 2 sentences. And I may need 4. Once I've done this I'll resubmit.walteradavishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10924349549968354205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-68104226039918764082008-09-13T01:29:00.000-04:002008-09-13T01:29:00.000-04:00Also, there's a lot about theme but nothing really...Also, there's a lot about theme but nothing really about the story. And sadly, I have no idea what you mean by lyric naturalism. I studied literary theory and the phrase still eludes me. :)Robin Lemkehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12254896327174187893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-42812402819850412682008-09-13T00:04:00.000-04:002008-09-13T00:04:00.000-04:00And Hi Janet. Glad you were roasted today. I reall...And Hi Janet. Glad you were roasted today. I really enjoyed the discussion and the expensive booze.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-82665768322275115222008-09-13T00:03:00.000-04:002008-09-13T00:03:00.000-04:00Seems like a really broad description of the book....Seems like a really broad description of the book. I don't get a feel for the main character or what the story is really about. This is more a description of the philosophical underpinnings.<BR/><BR/>And wow. That's an impressive word count. Besides cutting, can you break it into multiple books? Are there logical story endings within the manuscript?Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.com