tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post8402960777616329319..comments2024-03-16T01:00:59.945-04:00Comments on Query Shark: #146-RevisedJanet Reidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comBlogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-22724378221602091472010-11-05T13:40:37.304-04:002010-11-05T13:40:37.304-04:00The name Sephiranoth is definitely a reference to ...The name Sephiranoth is definitely a reference to Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII. All it does is pull me out of the story, because I keep thinking you misspelled Sephiroth.Horror Rantshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05814995709939145123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-19896276827779487392010-04-07T13:38:38.685-04:002010-04-07T13:38:38.685-04:00Just stumbled upon Query Shark and was really enjo...Just stumbled upon Query Shark and was really enjoying the blog posts (which lead to me reading some older queries).<br /><br />Is this a fan fiction? From the sound of it, the story seems to be based in the world of Istaria: Chronicles of the Gifted.<br /><br />I hope they didn't write the whole thing without getting permission first, but I'm betting they did.ratatuskrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09173866034372387631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-36970058804895014022010-04-01T22:26:39.704-04:002010-04-01T22:26:39.704-04:00It may seem inappropriate. It may seem an overrea...It may seem inappropriate. It may seem an overreaction, but I have to confess my love for the Shark for, "And I'm done reading here.<br />For starters, improper use of the punctuation mark ellipses (...) drives me BONKERS. I've received query letters that are essentially one run on sentence due to improper ellipses." I seriously want to steal this for my teaching.Thomas Sinclairhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18234787409277154543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-89850331090235585302010-03-20T21:52:19.130-04:002010-03-20T21:52:19.130-04:00I don't know why but I fail to see any qualiti...I don't know why but I fail to see any qualities in that introductory letter that show any sort of difference in writing skill from the cliches in the query. The whole package seems like a teenager playing at self-deprecation to me. <br /><br />I hope I don't sound like a tool but I don't see this "wit" everyone saw in the opening letter.nekatomenoshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09723797187447143716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-4445748430515614182010-03-10T05:53:35.156-05:002010-03-10T05:53:35.156-05:00Aeris/Aerith, you mean.
I thought of Sephiroth as...Aeris/Aerith, you mean.<br /><br />I thought of Sephiroth as well, and then I remembered another popular recent epic fantasy about a magical teenager named Eragon, and his life partner and dragon, Sephira.Josephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00391875365486436577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-73290828890318252182010-03-08T00:39:24.250-05:002010-03-08T00:39:24.250-05:00Just a quick note: I'm another reader who abso...Just a quick note: I'm another reader who absolutely cannot think of anything other than Final Fantasy with that character name, and if you're targeting a fantasy audience most people will be the same way.<br /><br />I couldn't read a full book with Sephiroth. I'll never forgive him for killing Aries.Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13858135051097018108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-2332926994440884022010-03-02T12:46:05.425-05:002010-03-02T12:46:05.425-05:00Re: revised version, I think Marissa Doyle's c...Re: revised version, I think Marissa Doyle's comment is the best advice this author could possibly get: <br /><br /><i>You have to stop being in love with the sound of your own voice, get out of your own way, and tell what the heck actually happens in the story</i><br /><br />Amen. The author can obviously write well, but needs to learn when to use flourish and when to just tell the @#$% story.<br /><br />TawnaTAWNA FENSKEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11468819219529035563noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-13349887364845157132010-03-02T09:46:06.147-05:002010-03-02T09:46:06.147-05:00Spelling error? What spelling error? (whistling in...Spelling error? What spelling error? (whistling innocently while hiding eraser under potted palm)Janet Reidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00615380335938685231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-72123416581296193022010-03-02T01:37:25.700-05:002010-03-02T01:37:25.700-05:00Tsk, tsk, Madame Shark. Spell check: Greensleeves,...Tsk, tsk, Madame Shark. Spell check: Greensleeves, not Greensleaves :)Amber Junehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02385926949848352057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-66191219702836739752010-03-01T23:17:02.804-05:002010-03-01T23:17:02.804-05:00Janet, I have a new phrase for you, courtesy of Ma...Janet, I have a new phrase for you, courtesy of Maureen Johnson:<br /><br />"QUASH the SQUISHY BITS!"<br /><br />I'm thinking it's going to catch on around the blogosphere.<br /><br />http://ktliterary.com/2010/02/ask-daphne-about-my-query-xxxxiii/Lucyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17779576142896860206noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-28587083468439226322010-03-01T20:36:53.576-05:002010-03-01T20:36:53.576-05:00" When your childhood is taken, when all thos..." When your childhood is taken, when all those you care for and trust cast you aside, when the one person who stands by you is taken also what do? "<br /><br />What do?pulphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17355139388706278494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-5490052521498180652010-03-01T16:05:14.875-05:002010-03-01T16:05:14.875-05:00"You"?
I am not a dragon, nor a human..."You"? <br /><br />I am not a dragon, nor a human who knows any dragons. Neither are any literary agents. Nor are we dead.<br /><br />Few things are as alienating as a "you" that doesn't include the reader. <br /><br />Also, "Sephiranoth" has got to go. Seriously. It's merciful. Let it go. I know how hard it is to change character names, but you guys really, really, REALLY need to change this one.JShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13974691019739092440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-85316527085909210642010-03-01T09:27:38.531-05:002010-03-01T09:27:38.531-05:00Good writers do not necessarily make good story te...Good writers do not necessarily make good story tellers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-44881060020103950962010-02-28T20:52:27.855-05:002010-02-28T20:52:27.855-05:00The part before the cover letter is exactly the va...The part before the cover letter is exactly the vague, tired, badly constructed cliche that would have me stop after the 1st paragraph. It is like the person was trying to imitate narration under a movie trailer. I can almost see the words hovering in, set in Trajan type. <br /><br />I actually have serious trouble believing that they were written by the same person. In this case it is even feasible that the discrepancy we see is due to the two different authors involved.Imolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14475918815700489588noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-45947286126992529892010-02-28T19:25:21.391-05:002010-02-28T19:25:21.391-05:00Re second revision, I think the writer has made a ...Re second revision, I think the writer has made a real mistake going with "cryptic" and trying to titillate via style.<br /><br />Perhaps it's the style of the book, but I suspect agents are not likely to get excited about the premise and your ability to build tension. What they want is some inkling of the story and why someone would want to read it.<br /><br />I have to say, I think you missed it. And this a genre I love.Stephanie Barrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17772217449161603561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-65329881336071880502010-02-28T18:18:39.048-05:002010-02-28T18:18:39.048-05:00Please go over to Kristen Nelson's blog and re...Please go over to Kristen Nelson's blog and read her posts (some of her most popular) on using the opening scenes of the book to write a query. Her posts are really helpful.Lehcarjthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17171145477602995121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-25441096022205705242010-02-28T13:58:58.057-05:002010-02-28T13:58:58.057-05:00Re the latest revision: You have to stop being in...Re the latest revision: You have to stop being in love with the sound of your own voice, get out of your own way, and tell what the heck actually happens in the story: these characters want X because of Y, but Z gets in the way and this is how they overcome it. Get it down to the bare bones of plot and character, then add in touches of voice to put some flesh (but not too much)on those bones.<br /><br />It's hard. But you can do it.Marissa Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11248406475808085694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-201527240448745002010-02-20T19:36:26.906-05:002010-02-20T19:36:26.906-05:00"...it sure is hard to find the one set of wo...<i>"...it sure is hard to find the one set of words that best expresses the whole novel in all its innuendoes and intricacies!"</i><br /><br />But you're <i>not</i> expressing all its innuendoes, etc. Think of it like describing a painting to someone. They don't want to hear about all the details in the background or the symbolism or the artist's inspiration -- not at first.<br /><br />Before they've seen the painting, all they want to know is (a) what is it a painting of and (b) what makes it unique from every other painting like it. And then, because we're writers, we have to show it, not tell it.<br /><br />It's more interesting that way anyway.Adam Heinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225813532455467868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-41612583805742667072010-02-20T14:29:55.060-05:002010-02-20T14:29:55.060-05:00Claude, I think it's wrong to think in terms o...Claude, I think it's wrong to think in terms of models because no one thinks in that way when they're reading a query. All they're thinking is, "Does this letter say anything that makes me want to spend my time reading the manuscript or should I simply move onto the next query?"<br /><br />That's it. And you have 15 or 30 seconds.<br /><br />But here's the good news. If you can write a great novel, but simply suck at queries, you can hire another writer to compose your query for you. Really -- it's perfectly legal and ethical.<br /><br />--So I was only musing about how to come up with a query letter model that might be a little more flexible and provide a closer fit between the irrational creative mind and the rational query letter...So if my idea of giving more importance to the synopsis is no good, what else? Any suggestions?--Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07756810048092558458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-30418057624091001892010-02-20T12:04:39.117-05:002010-02-20T12:04:39.117-05:00Thank you, Liesl. Yes, I did feel a little misunde...Thank you, Liesl. Yes, I did feel a little misunderstood and I'm glad you put it so nicely...and clearly! And I agree with you, the Shark is really helping us figure out how to reduce our 80 k words down to a 250 words query letter that will get an agent's attention.<br /><br />For that I am very grateful to the Shark!<br /><br />But...there's always a but! I was just trying to find a way to do it that would bring together Peladon's wonderful "voice" in his opening letter AND the necessary nitty gritty of a query letter, such as explaining the plot in a nutshell etc...I guess there's no way other than the Shark's...<br /><br />Which reminds of something I just read about Tolstoy. As reported by Elif BATUMAN in her Ph.D thesis (do check out her marvellous book, it's just come out: THE POSSESSED), it seems that<br />Tolstoy considered the content of his novels "impossible to define not only 'in advance', but even after the fact: 'If I wanted to say in words all that I mean to express by my novel' he wrote about Anna Karenina, 'I should have to write a novel - the same one I wrote - all over again.'"<br /><br />How true! Of course, most of us (including me for sure) are not Tolstoy...Moreover, a query letter is not supposed to express "all" that is meant in a particular novel. I do know that, but (sigh) it sure is hard to find the one set of words that best expresses the whole novel in all its innuendoes and intricacies!Claude Forthommehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03871790739257823515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-11201855173122121542010-02-20T09:16:16.506-05:002010-02-20T09:16:16.506-05:00This was really entertaining. I loved the tone and...This was really entertaining. I loved the tone and voice of the query cover letter.<br /><br />However, most agents only want a page or two max for a query. This letter takes up a page and a half already with absolutely nothing related to the manuscript.<br /><br />Should a writer really risk an agent's time on nearly 2 pages of chatter?<br /><br />Are agents more forgiving of breaking rules when an author does it pleasantly or skillfully?<br /><br />Thanks for your feedback!A.E.H. Veenmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04551204401705761369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-42566310501446893342010-02-19T23:49:51.419-05:002010-02-19T23:49:51.419-05:00Ms. Reid, I have been immersed in reading all the ...Ms. Reid, I have been immersed in reading all the past queries here (following your directions to send a query letter for you to critique and post), when it hit me: all (at least those that I read so far) are all in adult lit. category. Do you ever critique queries for manuscripts in children's categories?<br /><br />Thanks for wonderful advice on dos and don'ts on queries -- no matter what category, I'm finding that most apply all across the board.Hema Penmetsahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08448481721288158816noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-43438881357475239042010-02-19T11:57:04.571-05:002010-02-19T11:57:04.571-05:00peladon: "Unfortunately, we most oft write fr...peladon: "Unfortunately, we most oft write from the heart. And, having been present at more than one autopsy, I know what comes from the heart. Pretty, it is not. More importantly, saleable it is even less."<br /><br />This is one of the best things I've ever read about writing. Dear Peladon, I am <i>really</i> looking forward to seeing your query rewrite.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15165934654993422218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-19826236956023336952010-02-18T22:18:37.170-05:002010-02-18T22:18:37.170-05:00You're right Claude. Sorry if you felt attacke...You're right Claude. Sorry if you felt attacked. <br /><br />You're right that a Query letter is very different from writing a book. It's a different muscle and it's very frustrating when you've worked on something so hard for so long to realize that you can't get anyone to even read it unless your write a fantastic query letter. And no mistake, it's hard to do that. Trying to condense the essence of an 80,000 word novel into fifty is...insane. <br /><br />But the gates are high for a reason. Think of it as everyone just raising the bar to see how high you can jump. Agents and editors want to know how serious you are about the business side of this art, and the query letter is the preliminary exam. <br /><br />That's why we love Query Shark! She's helping us study up.Liesl Shurtliffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09064620851881036609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812909700950069050.post-38979390424246446332010-02-18T11:28:08.329-05:002010-02-18T11:28:08.329-05:00Wow, I sure hit a raw nerve!
And I accept all yo...Wow, I sure hit a raw nerve! <br /><br />And I accept all your comments - yes, writing IS about both the rational AND irrational, and yes, you have to be able to cry real tears AND know that you're just pretending... except one comment (probably I wasn't clear myself): I never meant to imply that one should not tell the agent what the book is about in a query letter. <br /><br />Sure one does! And if it can be done in 50 words, that's even better! FIFTY words, my, I dream about that!<br /><br />So obviously I'm in trouble: I've been seriously misunderstood! <br /><br />I think what I was really trying to say is that DIFFERENT parts of the brain are used in writing a novel and writing blurbs for the dust jacket (or query letters for that matter). <br /><br />And that's why agents get so mad at writers for not being able to come up with a nice, clean, reasonable query letter that makes instant sense and hits the agent between the eyes - no, I should rephrase that: some writers have a superb rational half of the brain that they use without problem, but others just don't. It's a fact of life. And that's why agents are sometimes (pleasantly) surprised to come across opening pages of a book that read far better than the query letter - indeed, they can even look like they were written by a different person...<br /><br />And let me repeat (at the risk of annoying everybody): I don't think that's so surprising. Because what you need to invent good fiction (and write it) is NOT the same thing as what you need to compose a striking query letter...<br /><br />So I was only musing about how to come up with a query letter model that might be a little more flexible and provide a closer fit between the irrational creative mind and the rational query letter...So if my idea of giving more importance to the synopsis is no good, what else? Any suggestions?Claude Forthommehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03871790739257823515noreply@blogger.com