Dear Sir or Madam,
Will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
It's based on a novel by a man named Lear
And I need a job, so I want to be a paperback writer,
It's a dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn't understand.
Their son is working for the Daily Mail,
It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer,
It's a thousand pages, give or take a few,
I'll be writing more in a week or two.
I can make it longer if you like the style,
I can change it round and I want to be a paperback writer,
If you really like it you can have the rights,
It could make a million for you overnight.
If you must return it, you can send it here
But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer,
Sincerely,
A. Beatle
For a second I thought, 'Wait, don't I know this... oh right!' Good old A. Beatle.
ReplyDeleteIs it at all creepy that this very song was playing on my mp3 player asI was racing this post?i
ReplyDeleteLovely!
ReplyDeleteBut would you buy this book?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofUZNynYXzM
I recall somewhere seeing an agent's reply to this 'query.'
ReplyDeleteI think it got a Form Reject.
Credited to Lennon-McCartney, but actually written by Paul.
ReplyDeleteFunny you posted this! I once wrote a parody rejection letter for it:
ReplyDeleteDear Sir or Madam
I have read your book.
After 50 pages
There still was no hook.
If you plagerized
This man named Lear,
I won’t touch the book
So I’m sending you a
Rejection letter
Rejection letter
It’s a sloppy story
Of a dirty man
With a clinging wife
Who I’ll also pan.
The plot is thin
And the hero pale.
Keep your steady job
’Cause I’m sending you a
Rejection letter
Rejection letter
At a thousand pages
Give or take a few
There’s no publisher
who would take on you.
You must make it shorter
And please change the style.
’Til you revise it down
I have to send you a
Rejection letter
Rejection letter
Your tone is all wrong
And your prose is worse.
Have you ever thought
To write in verse?
With your choppy style and
Your topic choice,
You’d be better off
If you want to be a
Pop-rock songwriter
Pop-rock songwriter
love it.
ReplyDeleteI love the song, even if it would be a terrible query letter! How long it took you to write, how much you want to be a writer, excessive length... tsk, tsk, Beatle.
ReplyDelete@kerrygans: Love your parody!
Haha, I've always liked that song. Kerrygans' parody bumped it further up the favorite list; bravo!
ReplyDeletehaha! Sharky is speechless, for once.
ReplyDeleteAlright, so this is officially stuck in my head... thank you, it's much better than "It's a Small World."
ReplyDelete-Amalynne
fictionfaze.com
It's amazing how mediocre lyrics can be turned into such a fantastic song. Do you think I could get McCartney to sing my queries to agents?
ReplyDeleteNo?
What about Ringo?
there once was a man from nantucket
ReplyDeleteSounds familiar...
ReplyDeleteAre the lyrics free to post? I thought copyright would forbid this.
ReplyDeleteStill, it's one of my favorite songs (shows how old I am). Glad you posted it. And the parody whas just as good.
Well, it was a nice change in the lineup!
ReplyDelete