Sunday, June 28, 2020

#335



“That roof is the wrong shape to talk to God.”

Chloe Reed hears this inside her head when she looks up in a coffeeshop, her house, her church, everywhere she goes. And the strange, static-laden voice is getting louder with each repetition.

It tells her she’s been chosen to build a correctly shaped roof.

Chloe bounces between thinking she’s going insane and hoping she’s been singled out to talk to God. She needs it to be the latter. She needs to know God loves her, that anyone loves her. She needs to know why her own father doesn’t even want to be in the same room as her.

She builds the roof and puts it on a shed in her backyard. She steps inside. The distorted voice that had been confined to her head crackles down at her from the roof. Chloe prostrates herself on the wooden floorboards.

The voice tells her it’s God. It tells her it has a plan and it needs her help. But it’s not the God she was expecting. This one doesn’t know who Jesus is.

Chloe must find out if the voice belongs to God. If it does, Chloe finally has concrete proof that she’s worthy of love. She finally has a way to get all the answers.

But the voice wants more than her faith. It wants all of humanity to believe. It wants total control. And it needs Chloe to get it.

CHLOE’S ROOF (80,200 words) is a work of speculative fiction. This would be my debut.

Put your comps here. Yes, you need them.
Put your bio here. Yes, you need one.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
This is clear, concise, well-written.
It works for me, I'd read the pages.

But, this is not going to appeal to every agent.
Which means even a clear, concise, well-written query is going to get some passes. 

Any questions?



 

11 comments:

  1. Is there a specific reason this one needs comps, or are you saying all queries need comps?

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  2. Nicely done. I'd pick this one up.

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  3. I'm intrigued and I want to know what shape that roof is. What I don't understand is why does God need a girl to help him gain total control of humanity when, after all, he's God? If He wants total control he can have total control, which then brings me to a logical conclusion. Still, I would probably read this. Good job.

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    Replies
    1. My immediate go to is, God has a secondary intent that will involve challenge and growth for Chloe of significant importance. Something Chloe would not attain if God were to take control on his own. Maybe?

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  4. This is an awesome premise; I would totally read this.

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  5. I'm curious what contemporary comps exist for this idea. (NB. I don't read around this genre, not even sure what genre to call it)

    I mean Genesis (Noah and the arc), Exodus (Moses and his tabernacle), and Samuel (David and his tabernacle) are all over 2,000 years old.

    W.P. Kinsella's Shoeless Joe (aka Field of Dreams) is much closer, but would still be 30+ years old.

    It doesn't sound like the tone matches anything by Christopher Moore. Could you tie this to Charlie Jane Anders' All the Birds in the Sky?

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  6. This is brilliant. I'd read it too.

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  7. I second Mike's question about the comps. And I wonder about the bio. What if you're a professional apparition without social media? Wouldn't it be better to focus on the story and leave yourself out of it instead of grasping for straws?

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  8. I would certainly read this. There's something sinister and perhaps extraterrestrial going on. It's just barely hinted at, which sparks interest in reading to find out, but I think it comes across nicely in that the tone is so much darker than one would expect when discussing popular views of divinity. The distorted voice crackles... It's not the God she was expecting. This one doesn't know Jesus. It wants total control. In a few succinctly powerful sentences, you convey the tone that belies what the voice tells her, creating a cognitive dissonance that enhances the mystery. This is not divinity as we know it; what is it? How bad is it for humanity? And will Chloe have to defeat it? You manage to make me wonder these very significant things without having to tediously spell it out.

    Also, I badly want to know why her father can't stand being in the same room with her, too!

    Great job, and good luck!

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  9. Is it God? Or, is it a demon? Demons and the devil can deceive and prey upon our weaknesses and needs. This could evolve and be a hunt for love, but caught up in a trap that she needs to escape to find the real One who is universal love.

    Interesting.

    I want to know more and why dad is a jerk to her and how she turns out.

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  10. I'm confused about the bio. What if you don't have one-- because this is your debut novel?

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