When it comes to concrete subjects such as math and science, Allie is an exceedingly intelligent woman. Yet, when it comes to relationships and human motivations, let’s just say that Allie’s trusting, naive character often overrides her common sense. For example, on the romance front, Allie keeps her humiliation in overdrive by frequently bumping into Matt, a handsome man who occasionally fills in at his brother’s relationship break up service. Matt is well aware of Allie’s numerous dating misadventures and seems to magically appear to witness every humiliation. On the career front, Allie is a successful and busy astrophysicist who seems to be continuously leaving things out of place at her work. Dismissing these problems as a symptom of being too busy, she ignores the discrepancies until the groundwork for a sensitive project is stolen from her offices. Allie must then learn to trust herself as well as her abilities in order to solve the mystery of her stolen work as well as to snag Matt's heart.
whoa. First of all, this paragraph is way too long. Particularly if you are querying by email you want to break up big blocks of text. Also, you've got so much extra wordage in here, I want to bring my tweezers and start plucking.
Allie is a successful and busy astrophysicist. Somehow though, she keeps forgetting things, and that's creating a problem at work. To top it all off, Allie keeps bumping into Matt just when she's in the throes of yet another humiliating date moment.
The problems at work are getting serious. Matt isn't. Allie must solve the mystery of her stolen work as well as snag Matt's heart.
Clearly that's not polished and it needs a bit more fleshing out but you see my point. LESS IS MORE.
And what happened to the 15 Date Rule?
Don't mention contests unless you won. Even then, they don't mean much.
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.