Shattered Ceiling is a 82,000 word political thriller set in Louisville, Kentucky, and Washington, D.C.
Former juvenile delinquent turned P.I. Jo Grant tracks a client’s runaway daughter to a feminist commune in the hollows of Kentucky. The missing girl is an unwitting pawn in a U.S. Senator’s scheme to frame his popular opponent for a staged assassination attempt – on himself. Jo discovers an ex-Vietnam sniper, furious at military funding cuts, out to kill the Senator for real, but Jo’s dicey past prevents the authorities from believing her. As bodies pile up, Jo races to extricate her clients, foil the Senator’s plot, and stop the real assassin.
How did she get a PI license if she has such a dicey past? And what military funding cuts? There's a war on now; this sounds like it was written for 1992. You're focused on the protagonist, but the story sounds like it's about the Senator's evil plans. You might want to start with that. Given the reelection rate of incumbents is about 98%, you need a reason this Senator thinks he's going to lose if he doesn't wag the dog**.
I am(redacted) of Sisters in Crime and a founding board member of the (redacted) Writers’ Festival.
Thank you for your time and consideration of my work. The full manuscript and a SASE envelope are included.
Whoa! Never include a full manuscript with a query. NEVER. The purpose of a query is to see if the agent wants to receive the ms at all. Unsolicited fulls are discarded, unread (at least when I get them, they are!)
And it's just SASE (not SASE envelope.) SASE stands for
Thank goodness for sharp eyed readers who post comments!
Response: There's nothing to grab on to here. I have no sense of the characters other than Jo is an ex-juvenile delinquent. No sense of the stakes (so what if the Senator loses, throw all the bums out, I say) and a lot of very standard description (races to, bodies pile up). Form rejection.
***If you haven't seen Wag the Dog, you're missing a truly hilarious send up of politics.