Emily Jacobs, a senior at Maryland, is off for the summer. The last thing she remembers is walking through the woods by her parents’ Long Island home. Now she’s in a locked room, wearing strange clothing, with no idea when or how she got there.
A slight quibble: it would be better to say she's a college senior UNLESS the fact she's attending that specific school is important. If it is important, say the whole name of the school: University of Maryland.
Then the heavily disguised voice of some asshole calling himself Harold tells her she’s been kidnapped, although she’ll be treated well and released whether her parents pay or not. Of course she will…of course. Emily hasn’t believed in the tooth fairy for years.
Then again, maybe she’s wrong. Maybe they will release her. Meanwhile, the walls seem solid, but Harold and his friends have given her some CDs and a nice, large mirror. Maybe she can cut her own way out instead.
THE ABDUCTION OF EMILY, a mystery/suspense novel of 84,000 words, is an account of a kidnapping as seen from three points of view: the kidnapper, the kidnapped, and the people left behind.
This last paragraph is the reason I chose this letter for QueryShark. I've never seen the problem of multiple viewpoints addressed quite this elegantly. The main part of the letter is in Emily's viewpoint, and we get a strong sense of her voice and character.
The writer then did NOT try to do the same thing for each of the other viewpoints, and that restraint is a VERY.Good.Thing. Instead, simply saying there are three POV's and whose they are tells me what I need to know.
This should be a template for anyone with multiple POV novels.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
This is a very good query letter.