I broke the rules...unapologetically so.
I rhymed, alliterated, lyricized, used big words, topped it off with an adult narrative. And yes, my word count runneth over. Admittedly, I did it all wrong. Moreover--and perhaps to my own detriment--I firmly maintain that these supposed literary crimes were committed for all the right reasons. The story is better because of these so-called 'flaws', not in spite of them. Now comes the dilemma:
Can even 'the best query letter ever' not only overcome, but actually upsell the very characteristics that have been deemed genre pitfalls?
Life as I knew it forever changed the day I 'borrowed' that gnome.
So, you're a character in the book?
Using I in a query for anything other than the biography section is confusing.
What started as a harmless prank, soon backfired into a frenzied search for the missing muffin pan. Three pie servers, a rolling pizza cutter, and countless other 'displacements' later...my tightrope toddle along the brink of madness spiraled into the tongue-twisted tale you are about to read.
At this point, I have no idea what kind of book this is.
Some call it 'crazy'. Others call it 'cuckoo'. I prefer to call it: 'clarity'.
I call it confusing.
The lost socks, the misplaced keys, when the 'displaced' are 're-placed' in those spots you searched thrice...
I'm losing my mind here, does that count?
Based on a true story, THE GREAT GNOME COLLECTIVE is a transitional picture storybook of 1250 words. Entertaining meets educational in this lyrical work of modern folklore: a fun read woven through an intricate maze of elevated vocabulary, emphatic punctuation, and eloquent wordplay, all set to complex rhythmic rhyme with a splash of Seussian flair.
Never compare yourself or your work to Dr. Seuss. Let other people do that.
I am best known as (nom du plume): mama to one, auntie to seven, and 'grammar nutsy' to the core. This is my authorial debut, though it is my hope and intent to grow THE..COLLECTIVE into a series of gnome adventures.
Authorial debut sets my teeth on edge.
I'm not sure if that's just me.
This is your first book. Just say so.
Fancy pants writing is best left for dialogue to illustrate hoity toity characters.
Miss Bickerstaff perhaps who refers to her serviettes, and would sooner go without food than sit at a table without flowers. She is someone who might use authorial debut.
One minor concession, if I may: THE GREAT GNOME COLLECTIVE must be--and is found most enjoyable when--read aloud...preferably, *with gusto*. Please do not dismiss this request. The gnomes will know.
I know you're trying to be whimsical and light hearted here.
But please do not dismiss this request isn't something agents find funny. Ever.
Thank you for your time & consideration.
Because picture book queries include the entire text of the story.
You can break all the rules that you want, but if you do not give me what I need to evaluate your work, I'm not going to write back and tell you what you did wrong. I'm going to pass with a form rejection.
Can even 'the best query letter ever' not only overcome, but actually upsell the very characteristics that have been deemed genre pitfalls?You're breaking the wrong rules.