Lizbah is destined to be a god, determined not to become one, and damned no matter what path she chooses. In a world caught in a Circle of Time that perpetually repeats itself; Lizbah must join with five unlikely heroes on her epic journey as she seeks an answer to the ultimate question: "I'm not really a god . . . am I?"
I know you're writing in English. I recognize the letters. I don't understand a single word of this.
Lizbah: Genesis Revelation, a completed 90,000 word novel, can be sent to you upon request. The first three chapters can be found at www.
You get a full page for a query letter. Use it. This doesn't give me any idea of the plot, the stakes or a sense of the characters.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Dear Ms Reid (May I call you Maggie?),
A War of mythological proportions is brewing and no one knows who to trust. Senator Rikon has assassinated the King and declared himself Populace Magister over the Therconian territories. If he succeeds, then all are doomed to eternal servitude. Rikon can be stopped, and the World saved, by an orphaned farmer; but she has no desire to be a hero.
Mythological proportion doesn't mean the same thing to me that I think it means to you. I think what you mean is epic proportion. Mythological proportion doesn't actually make sense to me since epic battles of good versus evil seem to be in operas about gods, not actual stories. On the other hand, maybe I missed something in Myth 101 (and yes, that was a real class, and yes I took it, and yes, I passed.)
Lizbah, the prophesied child of a Druid Lord and an Elf Queen, is destined to be a God, determined not to become one, and damned no matter which path she chooses. Lizbah receives guidance from a sentient Oak that we later discover to be Lizbah’s Father, and a compassionate Pixie that Lizbah created from a dying woman who, unbeknownst to Lizbah, was her Mother. Lizbah, in stages, accepts her responsibility and sets out to become the savior that everyone believes she is. However, saving the World isn’t as simple as it appears.
You're drowning in detail. You'd do better to be more specific in paragraph one, and lose this paragraph entirely. The gist of your story is that Lizbah has to save the world, doesn't want to, and then discovers she likes being a mom.
The World is entangled in a repeating cycle of events that span the Genesis of existence to the Revelation of the end. The Oak refers to these events as “The Circle of Time.” The Circle of Time has deteriorated to such a state that “knots” exist in time. These knots allow people to exist, in different planes of time, as different entities. The Oak, for example, exists as three characters: a god (as the Oak), a wizard, and a Druid Lord. The Oak has existed through all times and knows what is going to happen, before it happens; however, The Oak is unsure about how it will happen. Only with death is the Oak assured that the Circle of Time has been broken and that the World might yet be saved.
Pare this down to tell us what you need to: The Circle of Time, Genesis to Revelation, has deteriorated such that knots now exist. The knots allow people to exist in different planes of time, as different entities. THEN you tell me how I'll keep all the characters straight in the novel.
I actually represent a novel that is episodic, each episode told in the first person, but a different person each time. AND it's out of chron order. I'm very clear about this in the cover letter so the editor/reader KNOWS what to look for. You need to do that too. The query isn't just what the book is about here. It's got to give the reader a road map particularly since you've got a complex narrative structure.
At the anticlimax, Lizbah has an epiphany and realizes that there are more important things in life than becoming a god and saving the world: Like being a mother.
In the end, Lizbah returns to her life as a farmer and rebuilds her life with her newborn daughter. Lizbah soon realizes that the end of one journey is simply the beginning of another. We are left with Lizbah learning that “they” are coming for her daughter. Thus we have the beginning, of the end, of the Genesis.
You don't need to recount the entire story in the cover letter. That's the job of the synopsis.