You will be killed and eaten by the QueryBunny if you open your query with a rhetorical question. There's nothing like a rhetorical question to make the QueryBunny reach for the picnic hamper.
|The QueryBunny and her picnic hamper filled with Hapless Writer Salads.|
In our picture book, THE MAGIC TRAIN, Jorgen and his donut-loving daddy shrink to become the engineer and brakeman of the Magic Train. They zoom, clank, puff, and roar upstairs, downstairs, through all the bedrooms, and even into the garage. They encounter sleeping dolls, an erupting volcano, delicious crumbs in the kitchen, and a problem that can only be solved with a chocolate donut.
This is one of the best paragraphs I've seen about a picture book. I love the energetic words: Zoom! Clank! Puff! Roar! (it sounds like morning coffee at the Reef) I love the humor.
THE MAGIC TRAIN is
You''ve shown me that. You don't need to tell me again.
We have included in this email the manuscript** and a picture book dummy featuring page layout and illustrations by Illustrious Illustrator. II's artwork has been published in This place and That place Magazines. He held a children’s book design fellowship at Publisher. Illustrious illustrator also worked as an assistant to Uber-Illustrator the award-winning illustrator of Fabulous Book.
I assume that if you query me, you think we're a good fit. You don't need to tell me again.
Although we hope you would consider our text and illustrations as a package, we understand and respect your preference to select illustrations. We are willing to have the manuscript and artwork considered separately.
NO! NO! NO! Do not submit to publishers while you submit to agents. This handicaps your future agent in ways you do not want to imagine. If a publisher turns you down pre-agent-snag, it's hard for the agent to go back and say "yanno, you made a terrible mistake saying no to this." Query agents first.
Thank you for your consideration,
**Notice that ALL the text of the book is included in the query. That's the right thing to do.
This is an excellent example of a query for a picture book.
Polish it up, and you're good to go.