I found your name in Publisher's Weekly and read your biography on your agency's website. Since we share interests in urban fantasy, I thought you would be interested in my novel.
Alex changes her last name to elude the rapist stalking her.
Start with the most interesting thing about your novel. This isn't it. It's probably the dragon part.
She doesn't remember why he is stalking her, or much of anything anymore.
If she doesn't remember anything, how does she know he's stalking her?
But having strange powers, no memories and a rapist holding the key to it all, is enough to keep her far away from her past.
Far away from her past what? I'm far away from my past shenanigans in undergraduate school simply by virtue of time passing...stalker not required.
When she unwittingly rescues a dragon, her enemies have now doubled and she must decide what information she can, and can't, live without.
This makes zero sense to me particularly after all the other stuff about stalking, rapists, and steering clear of her past.
My manuscript is urban fantasy chick lit, approximately 90,000 words, and will appeal to the well established audience who enjoys a strong female protagonist.
Chick lit is funny, bright, and insouciant. You know something is chick lit cause it's first and foremost FUN. You've conveyed none of that here.
what? Is that the title? Generally you want to start with something more standard like "hello"
The last name thing is utterly confusing in this sentence, and is never referred to again.
After she has driven off the attackers with her fun neuro-electric powers, she realizes that not only has she interrupted a dragon hunt, she has helped the dragon. Perfect. But the dragon, Gabe, is more human than the criminals Alex fights, and saves her when the rapist, Morgan, returns. Alex flees with Gabe back to his brothers, Rile and Cale, who explain that they have been sent from their own world as a Calling to help others.
I'm totally confused here. You've got two masculine names, and two made up names and one gender neutral name. You don't have to name your characters Sylvia and Mabel but "Alex" and "Gabe" and "Rile" and "Cale" and "Morgan" are impossible to keep straight in one paragraph. Also, focusing on one character is best. Two at the most.
If I have to read a paragraph three times to parse out what's going on, it's a form rejection. I read this three times, slowly, and I'm still not sure I could tell you what's happening.
And where did the drug dealers come from? Drug dealers, dragons and rapists oh my. You've got too much going on here.
And there's more! Toppling dictatorships and rescuing victims of sexual slavery. Really too much going on here.
My manuscript is urban fantasy chick lit. There is a well established audience who enjoys a strong female protagonist, but are uncomfortable with the increasingly over erotica, as well as witchcraft and vampirism, the current mainstay of fantasy heroines.
Really? Those books sell pretty well. You're better off to stress what your book is about rather than taking pot shots at the bestsellers.
Focus on your main character. Describe the challenge she faces in simple straightforward sentences. Query letters needs to flow. It doesn't right now.
You've also not mentioned the word count. When you've got this much going on, I'm deeply suspicious the word count will be very high.