To find closure in death, especially for a child, can be a heart wrenching time.
This doesn't say anything, and it is VERY off-putting because at first glance it looks like you're talking about the death of a child.
start here instead ------->KATIE’S LUCKY LEAVES is a story of a young girl facing the death of her father, with her Grammie’s help.
This is very abstract. I'm not sure if her father is dying or dead. Be specific: Katie's father is dying/has died. Her Grammie tells her a story to show her that her father will always be with her.
While making cookies Grammie weaves a magical tale about love, leaves and the wind. With the cookies made and set to cool, Katie catches autumn leaves before they touch the ground for their greatest luck. Once Katie collects an apron-full, Katie and Grammie place those leaves in a shoebox and bury it in Mother’s garden, where the leaves will increase their love. The end depicts the wind setting one perfect, red leaf on the soil mound over the buried leaves. Katie knows then that Daddy is the loving wind, always there, wrapping his love around her.
For ages 3—9, with focus on children who have lost a family member, this book is a complete package with 1,400 word story and 22, brightly rendered, double-page illustrations. Left pages hold the primary illustrated action, with text on 19 right pages, for easy reading by an adult to children.
1400 words is long for a picture book. Also, query letters for picture books don't describe the story. They include the ENTIRE text. ALL 1400 words.
Also, you should not describe how you want the book laid out or offer illustrations (generally). Picture book editors (generally) acquire text and illustrations separately.
Ages 3-9 is WAY too large an age span. This is a picture book (I think) and those are for pre-readers- 3-6.
Also, I'm not sure kids who are 3-6 years old are old enough to understand metaphor, and parables, and abstract thinking. My experience with that age group leads me to think they are down in the dirt pragmatists.
And who is your audience here? Who will buy this book? If I know a three year old whose dad just died, the last thing I'd do is buy them a book about death. I think we'd just bake cookies and talk about important things like why sharks make excellent pets.
This is the kind of idea that I usually see from someone who is trying to help, which is a laudable motivation, but I'm looking at this from a purely mercenary point of view: who will buy this book?
You don't need to mention this. Unless you've had picture books published, or other books published, you can leave all that out. If you mention it, you don't need to say which ones, you can leave it at local newsletters.
Leave this out as well. It's akin to showing me pictures of you growing up.Yes you look better after you got your braces off and quit doing the beehive hairdo.
Musicians and artists list their teachers on their CVs before they've had much of their own professional success. You don't need this here. The actual text of the story is all you need.
You don't need to repeat what an agent is looking for. Often times, it's better not to since it's VERY easy to get it wrong. (websites that list what agents are looking for are notorious sources for these errors)
At this point, knowing there are no certainties, I let intuition be my guide.
I'm not sure why you'd include this in a query letter. It doesn't give me confidence that you've done much research on how the industry works.
You'd do very well to join the Society of Childrens' Books Writers and Illustrators. (link below) They are a terrific organization dedicated to advocating for writers in this field. They have workshops and conferences around the country that are well respected. You need a lot more industry education under your belt before you proceed.
This is a form rejection.
Here's the link to SCBWI: