Tuesday, December 4, 2012

A lyrical query!

Dear Sir or Madam,

Will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
It's based on a novel by a man named Lear
And I need a job, so I want to be a paperback writer,

It's a dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn't understand.
Their son is working for the Daily Mail,
It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer,

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few,
I'll be writing more in a week or two.
I can make it longer if you like the style,
I can change it round and I want to be a paperback writer,

If you really like it you can have the rights,
It could make a million for you overnight.
If you must return it, you can send it here
But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer,


A. Beatle


Jae said...

For a second I thought, 'Wait, don't I know this... oh right!' Good old A. Beatle.

JRMurdock said...

Is it at all creepy that this very song was playing on my mp3 player asI was racing this post?i

lynneconnolly said...

But would you buy this book?

JeffO said...

I recall somewhere seeing an agent's reply to this 'query.'

I think it got a Form Reject.

Gina Black said...

Credited to Lennon-McCartney, but actually written by Paul.

Anonymous said...

Funny you posted this! I once wrote a parody rejection letter for it:

Dear Sir or Madam
I have read your book.
After 50 pages
There still was no hook.
If you plagerized
This man named Lear,
I won’t touch the book
So I’m sending you a
Rejection letter
Rejection letter

It’s a sloppy story
Of a dirty man
With a clinging wife
Who I’ll also pan.
The plot is thin
And the hero pale.
Keep your steady job
’Cause I’m sending you a
Rejection letter
Rejection letter

At a thousand pages
Give or take a few
There’s no publisher
who would take on you.
You must make it shorter
And please change the style.
’Til you revise it down
I have to send you a
Rejection letter
Rejection letter

Your tone is all wrong
And your prose is worse.
Have you ever thought
To write in verse?
With your choppy style and
Your topic choice,
You’d be better off
If you want to be a
Pop-rock songwriter
Pop-rock songwriter

Unknown said...

love it.

Kristin Laughtin said...

I love the song, even if it would be a terrible query letter! How long it took you to write, how much you want to be a writer, excessive length... tsk, tsk, Beatle.

@kerrygans: Love your parody!

Rachel6 said...

Haha, I've always liked that song. Kerrygans' parody bumped it further up the favorite list; bravo!

ONE TWO said...

haha! Sharky is speechless, for once.

Unknown said...

Alright, so this is officially stuck in my head... thank you, it's much better than "It's a Small World."



Bill Scott said...

It's amazing how mediocre lyrics can be turned into such a fantastic song. Do you think I could get McCartney to sing my queries to agents?


What about Ringo?

Simone said...

there once was a man from nantucket

Theresa Milstein said...

Sounds familiar...

Katharina Gerlach said...

Are the lyrics free to post? I thought copyright would forbid this.

Still, it's one of my favorite songs (shows how old I am). Glad you posted it. And the parody whas just as good.

Abigail F. Taylor said...

Well, it was a nice change in the lineup!