Callie Monroe is alone in the world. More than anything, she wants a home of her own, and to feel she belongs somewhere.
Well, of course she's not alone in the world unless everyone else is dead a la I am Legend. What I think you mean here is she feels lonely and isolated. Some of us would love to be alone in the world particularly after a fierce day on the subway, but I'm pretty sure that's not what you mean.
If she doesn't have a home of her own, where does she live? Do you mean she wants to own her own house? And why doesn't she feel like she belongs somewhere particularly given the next paragraph?
When the patrons of a neighborhood bar called Centerfolds take her in, she finds friendship and true love.
Centerfolds sounds like a strip club. Is it? Is she a stripper?
But when a tragedy in her absence tears them apart, (tears her apart from whom?) Callie ends up wandering through life alone again. Twenty-five years later, when she returns home to care for the mother who had forsaken her, Callie tries to piece together the tragedy that left her brokenhearted, and reunite the friends who were her true family. But the friends resist being found, and the stunning discovery she makes in the effort turns her life upside down, threatens her marriage, and promises to destroy her all over again.
Whoa! 25 years later?? Wait a second. You've got two stories going here. I think you need to focus on one. Most likely it's the second half. Start with that. Be focused and specific about who Callie is and why we'll care what happens to her.
I hope you will consider representing this supernatural love story titled The Brokenhearted. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Supernatural?? Where did THAT come from?? If there is a supernatural element, you need to have that MUCH earlier.
Dear Query Shark:
Thank you for another chance to interest you in my story.
Nineteen-year-old Callie wants nothing more than a home and a sense of belonging.
Be specific about the rival. Just a few words, but give it some pep.
You cannot use the name Bubba. You just can't. It's got too many instant negative connotations to use just cause. It's like naming someone Elvis. There has to be a purpose for it that pertains to the story.
As a middle-aged woman,
But she needs the help of their old friends, who resist being found,
Why does she need help finding a grave? If what you mean is she needs help laying the pain and confusion to rest, you need to structure the sentence to focus on that, rather than the grave.
and then the tables are turned, and it's Bubba who leads her to them. And when he proves he still loves her, even from the Other Side, she's torn between wanting to live, and wanting to die.
What's the third part of the story? You said it was told in three parts.
I still don't get any sense of plot here. I don't get any sense of what the problem is. She loved him, he died, she's not happy about it...and? There has to be more. Go look at the jacket flap copy of books in your category and read how they convey the sense of character and narrative drive.
Thank you for this second opportunity, and your kind consideration.
This is an improvement, but sadly, not enough. Once more into the breech dear friend.